Search

Fridays with Phil

Life, family and unshakeable faith

Open Search
Tag

phil camden

Help, I need somebody!

Lifou, New Caledonia. March, 2014.
Lifou, New Caledonia. March, 2014.

“Help, I need somebody, Help, not just anybody.”  They are great lyrics from the well-known Beatles song, Help.   They became a reality for me last week.

The picture above was taken after conquering a hike through thick rainforest to swim in a freshwater cave.  I was glad I had taken my walking stick, but even happier that my two son-in-laws and nephew were there to help me on this adventure.

I realised I would not have been able to traverse down or up the steep inclines without their help.  Without them I would have missed so much and never would have experienced swimming in an underground cave, taking a leap of faith and jumping into the black swimming hole.

With my legs and arms weakening from the effects of Motor Neurone Disease (read more via the “About MND/ALS” tab at www.fridayswithphil.com),  I have come to rely more and more upon the help of others.  This experience has highlighted that all of us need the help and togetherness of others to achieve things we could never achieve on our own.

As a leader of a Church, pre-MND days, I had no hesitation in asking for help and working together with others to achieve goals and vision that were for the benefit of others.  However, asking for help for myself was, and is, a different matter.  I have always found it easier to give than to receive.  How about you?

I have realised that not being able to receive help is not only a bad character trait but is also indicative of a very limiting and dangerous attitude: pride.  Living a life trying to cope all on your own, “She’ll be right mate”, or “I’m OK”, suggests that I don’t need your help or anyone’s help.  I have come to realise, I do and we all do.

None of us can achieve anything big, courageous or challenging without the help of others.  Confident and courageous people need help and need the togetherness of others to experience life to the max.

One thing I noticed, when those three strong young men took a slower trip down and a very slow trip back up from the cave, is that even though I was a physical burden to them, they found pleasure in helping me achieve what I could never have achieved on my own.  In other words, not only do people want to help you, but they are also encouraged by the process of helping.

All the way up the track, I had to pull myself up by holding onto a strap secured to a Shannon’s back while Kaiden pushed me up from behind (literally pushing on my behind).  This left Josh carrying two heavy bags up the incline.  All the while I had a cheer squad in Glenda, Rachel, Chloe, Belinda, Rebecca and Jessica encouraging me on.

I could have said, “Don’t bother with me, I will just wait here at the top until you return.”  However, I would never have the memory and all those who helped would never have had the joy of helping someone do something they could never have done on their own.

The Bible says, in Ecclesiastes 4:12, “By yourself you’re unprotected.  With a friend you can face the worst.  Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.”  Maybe today you could lend a helping hand, or maybe you could ask for one.

We all need somebody.

Phil

20

What would a complaint-free day look like?

Easy not to complain when here with my beautiful wife and family last week.
Easy not to complain when here with my beautiful wife and family last week.

What would a complaint-free day look like?

A monk joined a monastery and took a vow of silence.
After 10 years his superior called him and asked him, “do you have anything to say?”
The monk replied “food bad.”
After another 10 years the monk again had the opportunity to voice his thoughts.
He said, “bed hard.”
Another 10 years passed by and again he was called in before his superior.
When asked if he had anything to say, he said, “I quit.”
“It doesn’t surprise me a bit, you’ve done nothing but complain ever since you arrived.”

Would you be able to get through this day without complaining, either to yourself or to others?  What would a complaint free-day look like?

Complaining is an energy killer and it can be the catalyst for an unhappy day.  So, a complaint free-day would, at a minimum, be a happier day and a more energetic day.

Often the most difficult part of learning how to handle complaining is recognising it in yourself.  If someone recorded you for a week, what would it reveal about your speech?  How much time do you spend griping, grumbling, complaining, arguing, and saying “life stinks”?

Complaining is a habit.  Habits are only broken by replacement with something else. Take out the negative complaining and replace it with positive speaking.  Steve Penny, a good mate, says “happy people don’t have the best of everything, they make the best of everything”.  Happy people replace whinging altogether.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”   You cannot always be thankfulfor the circumstances, but you can be thankful in them.  God has a good pattern and He fits even the bad things in our lives into that pattern for good.

There are some things in your marriage that you don’t like, things in your business, habits in yourself, your spouse, your children, or your boss. But I believe there are also some things in those situations and people that you could learn to be thankful for. Consider writing down one thing to be thankful for in your boss, spouse, children, teacher.

There are challenges we all face, but the way you look at your challenges determines your attitude.   Look for God’s fingerprint in your circumstances.  Because God is working all things out for good in your life, the good that you’re going to get out of whatever you’re going through will be much more long lasting than the problem.

For those of you who are going through real challenges today, I’m not saying ignore them.  What I’m saying is that in the midst of great challenge, living complaint-free can give you the necessary energy you need to make itthrough and strengthen your ability to fight.

Could today be your day to give complaint-free a go?

Phil

11

How to grow, not crumble, under the weight of criticism

What's your recovery time when it comes to criticism? This swing has copped its fair share of critics!
What’s your recovery time when it comes to criticism?
This swing has copped its fair share of critics!

A young boy complained to his father that most church hymns were boring and behind the times. His father put an end to his son’s complaints by saying, “if you think you can write better hymns, then why don’t you?”  Isaac Watts went to his room and wrote such hymns as, “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross.”

All of us have been criticised, or soon will be. Well, those of us doing anything anyway.  When someone starts with “don’t take this the wrong way” you can be on high alert that you are about to get criticised.

Criticism rightly faced becomes a means of personal growth, but wrongly faced causes us to become angry and defensive.  In fact, this can be true of all trials.

So how can we make criticism work for us and not against us?  How do we grow from it and not crumble under it?

We are going to have to remember who we are.  I find my identity in the fact that nothing can separate me from God’s love.  His love gives me intrinsic value and a sense of worth.  I know that through His strength, I can face anything.

We also need to respond with love.  Love is the greatest force on this earth and the best way to cope with criticism.   Love may not always change the situation but it can change you for the situation.  You may not always love the criticism but you can always love the critic. 

The best example of someone coping with criticism, with love, is Jesus.  To be nailed to the cross was the ultimate rejection and extreme criticism, yet his response was “God forgive them”.

On top of all that, we need to rate the criticism.  Ignoring it, or becoming upset by it, won’t ultimately help us.  If we can look beyond the critic, look beyond the emotion, and consider what is being said, we may actually learn something.  And that very something may just propel us forward in our destiny.

Whatever you do, don’t use one of my all-time favourite defences, “well, what would you know anyway?”  Trust me, it’s useless.  Imagine if Isaac Watts said that to his Dad.  Instead, hear the criticism and honestly weigh it up.

Finally, measure how long it takes from the point of reaction to the point of recovery.  Meaning, how long does it take you to recover from a challenge, upset or criticism?

The Winter Olympics is on right now and those athletes have trained against their personal best for years to make sure they were getting better and faster.  Time was their guage for success.

So if last year it took you days to get from being hurt to forgiving, from offending to saying sorry, from being blessed to giving thanks, but this year it only takes you hours, then you’ve probably grown against your personal best.  In this way, time can also be your guage for success.

Do “getting criticised” well.  You’ll be blessed by it.

Phil

15

The Secret to Happiness

Single, Married, Sick, Healthy, Rich, Poor? Discover the Secret to Happiness.
Single, Married, Sick, Healthy, Rich, Poor? Discover the Secret to Happiness.

Last week I was telling my psychologist how frustrating the changes in my body are. The simple things, like I have to wait for one of my sons to come over to carry salt to the swimming pool.

She said, “change will happen, sometimes we must learn to live with change being the new normal”.

What is the secret to a happy and content life?  I think it is learning to be content in whatever situation you find yourself in: single, married, sick, healthy, rich, or poor.  It’s a contentment that comes from within.

Philippians 4:12 says “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.”

Contentment is not conning yourself, psyching yourself up, or pretending you like what you really don’t like. That isn’t contentment — that’s fake.

Contentment is taking stock of your attitude and deciding that with Christ’s presence in you, you can cope! You can handle it! You are sufficient for the problem!

Contentment is not apathy, laziness, or complacency.  If you can change a situation, you don’t need to be content and lay in it — maybe you need to get up and do something about it.

Where you really need to master the art of a learned contentment is in the situations that you can’t control: those things that are beyond you.

So how do you do that?  I have learned a couple of ways:

One is to avoid comparison.

There will always be people that make more money than you, who have greater opportunities than you have, or who have fewer problems. So what? That need not have any bearing on your own personal contentment.

Howard Hughes, a business magnate and Hollywood socialite, was once asked, “How much money does it take to make a man happy?” He said, “Just a little more.”

In stark contrast, the Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:18, “We don’t look around at what we see right now, the troubles all around us. But we look forward to the joys in heaven.”

You don’t need to have what others have, be liked by everyone or have more than what you have now to be content.

I can’t afford to spend time comparing myself to other people or in the futile pursuit of more.   I keep my eyes on a far greater hope and purpose.

Another is to adjust to change.

Life is full of ups and downs — emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. One thing is certain in life: change.

Change is going to happen whether you like it or not and we must be flexible because circumstances usually aren’t.

How well do you handle change?  Do you get frightened? Moody? Angry? Uptight?

Your happiness in life will be largely dependant upon your ability to adapt, adjust, and be flexible.

What is the secret of a content and happy life? Learn to relax, trust God, avoid comparing yourself and adjust to change.

Phil

18

Time to have your best year yet

I love watches.  I enjoy browsing the latest styles and checking antique shops for special designs.

The challenge of a watch is that it is circular, giving you the illusion that if you wait long enough this time will come around again.

The reality is that time is linear, in so much as it is more of a straight ongoing line, and it only moves forward, it does not stop and it does not replay.

As we are swept into this new year, time is something on many of our minds: we look back and we look forwards. But do we pause long enough to look at right now, this moment, this minute?

John Lennon wrote the lyrics:
“Before you cross the street take my hand.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

In the same vain, Psalm 90:12 says, “So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

In order to embrace this moment, I think we do need to stare time in the face, including what has been and what may come.

In one sense, we need to let go of the time that has passed, let bygones be bygones. In another sense, the past is not dead at all – it has shaped us and made us, to a certain degree, who we are. We must deal with the past effectively if we are to live in the present happily.

We should also take time to dream, consider and prepare for the possibilities of what the future may hold. The future can give us hope for a better tomorrow and the possibility for change, if we are careful about the time that can be planned.

Time that is now

Today is all we have: “now” is the acceptable time. Although we live in this present reality, are we attentive to this present moment?

One of the byproducts of being given a shortened life expectancy is that you try and slow time down by savouring experiences.  It makes you increasingly aware of the 1,440 minutes allocated to each of us per day.  I think I am now more present in the moment, taste my meals, listen more carefully and experience the beauty of the moment.

It’s the difference between just eating a strawberry, and tasting a strawberry.  I encourage you to taste the strawberries this 2014!

To have a successful new year, simply string together a chain of successful months.  To have a successful month, string together a chain of successful hours: a chain of “now” moments.  For now is the time:

  • to apologise
  • to forgive
  • to make a change
  • to give thanks
  • to encourage
  • to pray
  • to choose love

The best thing that we can do to honour our past and prepare for our future is to live with everything we have in the present. This is your “Now” moment!

Phil

Watching the fireworks at Nelson Bay New Year's Eve. My friend Bruce to the left and Lenore to the right.
Watching the fireworks at Nelson Bay New Year’s Eve. My friend Bruce to the left and Lenore to the right.
12

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑