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Fridays with Phil

Life, family and unshakeable faith

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Give your life!

Via Doctors Without Borders - Sudan
Image via Doctors Without Borders – Sudan

You may have heard it said, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

What does laying down our life look like in this day and age?

Consider this: your life is made up of time, years, weeks and hours.  When you go to work, you get paid for the time you invest or for the services that require your time.  That time represents your life.

For many people, for every working hour of their life, an exchange of money takes place.  If you have worked 40 hours for $1200, then you have given one hour of your life for a return of $30.  When you spend $120, you have effectively given what represents four hours of your life.

In this way, the money you receive and the time you use represent your life. 

That said, I wonder what you are giving your life to?   What are you “laying your life down” for?

There’s no doubt that there are many good causes to donate to and many opportunities to be generous with our time and resources.   It seems the ask is louder the larger our population grows and the more our world finds itself in need of help.

What you may not have considered is that when you do respond to support these causes, you are doing something significant.  You are giving of your life.

If you give money to support a child in a third world country, you’re giving your life to better the life of that child.  It’s a beautiful thing.

If you have donated to researching a cure for illnesses, you give your life for those people suffering and the ramifications of that will outlive you.

If you dedicate hours a week to better the lives of others (like my friend who is on a pension but time rich), you lay your life down.

I would encourage you to not only see yourself handing over dollars or “helping out”, but see yourself investing your life into whatever you give to.

Most of us will not be called upon to lay down our physical life for another.  But there is a way that we can all lay down our lives for others.  It’s through living generously.

Every day we have the opportunity to be generous with our time, our energy  and our resources.

Not only are you doing a good thing when you give of your life for others, but I believe it’s in giving that you experience a personal sense of well-being. I also believe you will have a sense that your life is more meaningful as it is attached to greater purpose.

A survey of 2000 people from different socioeconomic backgrounds found that those who volunteered at least 5.8 hours a month and those who gave at least 10% of their income had higher levels of happiness, less depression and had generally better health (Smith and Davidson).

An exchange of generosity and love will in itself have a benefit to both the giver and the receiver. 

Next time you give your time, energy or money for the benefit of others, know that in your own way you are laying down your life – and there really is no greater love.

Phil

2

Spirituality 101

Have you ever wanted to hear from God?  Is it possible for mere humans to experience God’s voice?

“Speak, We’re Listening.” These are the words framing Hillsong Conference 2015 which will see more than 30,000 people gather in Sydney’s Allphones Arena. I will be one of them.

This phrase, this cry, implies some powerful assumptions, namely:
That God is alive.
That God speaks.
That God wants to say something.
That we can hear God.

I wonder if you really believe that God speaks? And if you do, how much do you want to hear from Him?

It may start with belief in His existence, that He is a living God, but it also involves our understanding that He cares enough to respond to those who want to hear Him.

Personally, not only do I believe He can speak, I need Him to speak to me: His voice is life, it is my rock in a world of uncertainty.

My desire to hear His voice motivates my ears to listen. Without His voice, there is no fullness to our relationship. God-breathed words, His voice, are oxygen to my soul and infuse life into my spirit.

Like sheep are inclined to their shepherd’s voice for safety, I choose to align myself to the Good Shepherd’s voice. I know He cares for me and has my best interests at heart.

I have no doubt that God has good things to tell us.

Romans 10:17 (NKJV) says, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

You see, hearing God is no futile activity, it is the very means by which we develop faith. And at the same time, we need faith to hear Him. One feeds the other: faith, hearing, and hearing, faith.

So how do we hear His voice?

We listen: listen in prayer, listen in worship, listen to His Spirit, listen to His Word.

I remember staying at a friend’s home. I was having trouble hearing and his wife who was a nurse, washed my ears out by forcing water to push out the blockage. A bit weird, but it worked.

That’s just like God’s Word. It is like living water. It opens our ears to hear. Today, if you are having trouble hearing from God: try washing out your ears with a good dose of the Word of God.

When you read the Bible, the Spirit of God has something to work with. There are many times when in just reading, suddenly a verse jumps out. That’s the Spirit of God taking revelation and illuminating it to our spirit, speaking it into our life and situation.

Trust the presence of His Spirit in you to communicate what God is saying to you, with or without the details.  Be encouraged that His presence in you can speak directly to your spirit as your spirit is tuned to His voice.

What God says may not be all you want to hear, but it will be all you need to know and all you need for now.  It will be enough for you to take the next step of faith and when you do, He will speak again.

Let that same God-breath that inspired the very words on the pages of your Bible, breathe life into you as you read them.

Give it a try, make room for God to speak.

I, for one, am listening.

Phil

Keep an eye out for Fridays with Phil’s next post on Friday 17th July.

2

Choices that hurt

We all make choices. Some of our choices both help and hurt at the same time. They are beneficial but uncomfortable. They are right but they go against the grain.

When you have a debilitating illness, there are certain medications that are prescribed which alleviate pain and the body’s response to illness but at the same time take their toll in other areas.

To help me manage the effects of Motor Neurone Disease (muscle fasciculate, cramps, shakes), my neurologist has given me medication. Unfortunately the drugs come with warnings of blurred vision, dizziness, drowsiness, high blood pressure, weight gain etc. You get the picture.

It’s the dilemma of many people in our world who neither choose the illness, nor choose the effects the drugs may have.  But in the end we make a decision, it’s the lesser of these evils.

I wonder, how do you make the right choices in life? Choices like:

What medication do I take, if any?
Will I marry this person?
What degree do I study?
Should we start a family?
Should we buy a house?
Do I spend $200k on a trial drug?
Do I want quality of life or extended life?

Here is how I try to make the right choice.

Don’t let happiness be your guide, let peace.  When you have peace, joy is around the corner and joy is a necessary ingredient for lasting happiness and satisfaction. As one person put it, “Being sick well means living with joy despite the illness.”

Seek counsel from experts in their field and wise people.  Remember sometimes those with knowledge aren’t the ones who have wisdom.  Wisdom is knowing how to use knowledge. Give time to thoughtful contemplation, this is different to just accumulation of facts.  Value other people’s opinions but remember they may have different values and life goals to you.

Consider this: what will be the impact on others? Try, to the best of your ability, to play out the consequences and see if it ends with increased experiences of love for you and the ones closest to you. Don’t base your decisions on what YOU want but on what is needed.

Allow your heart to get involved and search for what is instinctively true and right.  I’m not talking about what feels good to the senses but what has a deep and pervading “I know” attached to it.  It reaches to the personal integrity of what you believe is morally and ethically right.

For me, the Bible has given me some moral and ethical absolutes and prayer helps me practice those by God’s grace.  Sometimes the absolutes outweigh the popular and the majority.

Your decision to have life may mean certain things you now live with must die: bad habits, unhealthy relationships, negative thought patterns. In this way, sometimes life is found in death.  Don’t let pride or fear stop you from changing a wrong choice or making a right one.

Making the right choice, even those that hurt, is a balance between heart and head. I would encourage you to trust yourself and know yourself, don’t fear what others may think. Sometimes the right decision costs us something personally.

Remember this, right decisions take courage no matter what the outcome may be.

My hope for you today is that you choose the best life possible.

Phil

13

Seeing the unseen

Photo by Joey McCann

What you see is only possible by what you don’t see.

Wrapped in flesh is how we see each other.  It’s flesh that conceals and contains our organs and skeleton.  Imagine for a moment what it would be like to see a pumping heart or a digesting stomach when we looked at each other.  It is certainly best some things remain hidden, but not necessarily forgotten.

You body illustrates an important life experience.  Your life, as you see it, is made possible by what you do not see.  More importantly your life is interdependent on the lives of so many hidden significant others.

What is seen is only made possible by what is not seen. The Bible says in Hebrews 11:3, “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.”

Much of our world relies upon the hidden achievements of unseen people.

We buy bread each day with little thought about the bakers who rise at 3am to bake it.  Imagine for a moment what your world would look like if people suddenly stopped doing what they do today.  I wouldn’t like to imagine my world if you stopped doing what you do today.

If the garbage was not collected, if seed was not sown for harvesting fruit and vegetables we consume, if water treatment workers didn’t provide fresh water, if factory workers didn’t build the computer I’m typing with.

Our lives are so connected and we are in need of each other more than we realise.

So stop today: look at the stranger as they drive past, see the fellow passenger in the bus, or the person sitting near you at the café.  That person is connected to you.  Understand that if it wasn’t for them your life would be so much worse off.

Imagine the new depths of gratitude you could experience today if you started to see what you don’t see. 

See how important our lives are to each other.  Remember it takes a village!

A beating heart or a skeleton may be unseen but each is vital to survival in the flesh, as are the community of people we do life with. 

I think that if we could see behind the scenes, we may just live with a lot more gratitude for each other and the part we all play to live in community. “Thank you” may escape our lips a little more freely. 

Phil

12

I believe we can Freeze MND!

With my family, looking forward to the Big Freeze!
With my family, looking forward to the Big Freeze!

Like me, Neale Daniher has Motor Neurone Disease (MND), also known as Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS).

This weekend, Neale is spearheading a campaign to raise money for a cure.  On Monday June 8th, several well-known footy personalities will be dunked in a giant pool of ice before a blockbuster Collingwood FC vs Melbourne FC game at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

MND in Australia alone kills 2-3 people each day and they are replaced daily with others being diagnosed.

Neale calls it the BEAST.  My neurologist, Professor Dominic Rowe, a leader in research for a cure at Macquarie University, calls it the BASTARD.  Doctors, in university exit surveys, are known for voting MND the disease they would LEAST like to get.

MND kills most of those with it within 27 months of diagnosis. Death comes by the muscles wasting away until the person can no longer walk, talk, eat, or move any part of their body but the eyes, and then eventually, they can’t breath.

There is a cure, we just haven’t found it yet!

Personally I’m believing a cure will be found in the not-too-distant future.  I think we can turn Motor Neurone Disease around.

Why is a cure so important?

I believe a cure is the best way we can honour those who have died of the disease before us.  They courageously and valiantly faced their death.  All those who have died from MND have somehow contributed to the cure of the future.  Their death has motivated many to desperately and tirelessly work to find a cure today.

I think of those who can now give testimony of having been cured from cancer and at the same time, I think of those who, because of their death, are the reason we can celebrate that cure today.

Another reason I believe a cure is so important is that it aligns itself with the heart of God for humanity, a good God who desires for us to live life abundantly.  Whenever anybody works to protect, provide and promote life, they work in line with the will and purpose of God for humanity.

I am throwing my full support behind Neale and his team to help raise as much awareness and funds as possible.  If you would like to find out more or lend your support, you can visit www.freezemnd.com.

Phil

3

Am I full of it?

Our car broke down on the way to the airport the other day.  I made my way home to get our second car.  Back on the road again, I realised I didn’t have my glasses.  We went back for them.  On the road again, I realised I didn’t have my phone.  We went back for it too.  Somehow, they still let us board our flight.  It’s funny now, but it was less funny at the time.

What did it teach me? Not only do I need to keep my car full of fuel, I also need to make sure the fuel gauge is working!  If it isn’t, and I am running on empty, I will have no way of knowing it.

We all need fuel for life and we all need to be able to read the gauges that reveal to us where our fuel levels are at.  We also need to know where we can get more fuel before we run out.

What are some of the fuel gauges when it comes to life?

Towards full, you will find yourself with humour, joy, stamina, wanting to be with friends, and being present in the moment.

Towards empty, you will become easily discouraged, physically exhausted, feeling stressed, eating patterns change, isolation is a friend, and patience is short.

Most people know themselves and can tell when something is not right.  By then, they are often in damage control.

The key is to refuel before you run out.

What does refuelling look like?  It can be different for each of us and depends on whether it is our body, soul or spirit requiring the top up!

I would suggest mixing things up: good eating habits, with great relationships, rest, and worship that energises your spirit.  Not only that, but refuel at different intervals in life: annually, monthly, weekly and daily.

I love the idea of refuelling annually, to take stock of where you are at and where you are headed.  It is like cleaning the fuel filter, flushing out the whole system and recalibrating the air fuel mixture for best performance.

Setting aside time completely away from your usual work environment, whether a holiday, a conference, or a “lock down” without outside interference, is well worth it!  For at least 25 years I have attended Hillsong Conference and it has been a great refuelling station in my life.

Monthly, endeavour to do something special that you can look forward to over that month.  Maybe it’s a road trip to a place you have never been or a game of golf with friends.  It’s amazing how much more energy you have when there is something to look forward to around the corner.

Consider activities that aren’t just enjoyable but those that are also beneficial.  For example, speak to your doctor about changing up your diet for a couple of days per month, cutting out or adding in certain foods for best health.  Or consider the benefits of making time to sit with a mentor or coach to focus on areas that help ensure a healthy soul – your mind, will and emotions.

Weekly, have a day off from the usual weekly activity.  A spiritual journey to Church is a great place to receive fuel for our soul, to fine tune the engine so we get better fuel economy for the week ahead.

Daily, get up and do something that you enjoy.  Take a walk, hit the gym, find a place you can sit and meditate.

Your life will be fuller if you make time for the things that will build and strengthen your body, soul and spirit.  So, happy refuelling!

Phil

4

When pain goes unseen

My grandson Lucas is now six months old.  Lucas is one of the happiest little babies I know.  He hardly ever cries and his smile is constant and infectious.  However, lately Lucas has been crying more and his mum tells me it’s from his teeth forming under the gums.  It’s not the pain from the teeth breaking through the skin but an unseen pain under the surface.

It made me think about the people we do life with who have learned not to cry but still carry unseen pain either physically or emotionally. On the surface they look good, they look together, but there is an unravelling on the inside, a deep pain that is real and relentless that others do not see.

Living with Motor Neurone Disease, and having many friends with disease, I have experienced this first hand.   It can be a physical pain but also the pain of experiencing your body shutting down, symptoms either quickly or slowly worsening, and the pain of adjusting to a new version of the future.

Neal and Janine are friends living this journey.  When Neal was diagnosed with MND less than two years ago, he was a strong miner.  However Neal can no longer walk without assistance, eat food or speak with clarity.   Janine, his wife, told me how frustrating it was in the early stages of the disease when even some of the medical profession didn’t take Neal’s disease seriously because of appearance.

I wonder if it’s true and there are people in our world living with unseen pain every single day, do we allow their appearance to distract us from our response?   My personal conviction is that however messy or painful someone’s story may be, I will give them the chance to honestly share it.

I will be ready to listen, understand and offer comfort.

Once I knew Lucas, my grandson, was in pain, it immediately changed my countenance towards him.  I had compassion.   Some people I speak to with MND are physically exhausted before they have finished dressing for the day.  These are courageous men and women who go out and face the day regardless.

The compassionate person acknowledges the courage, strength and energy it takes someone in pain to look somewhat pain-free on the outside.

I consider myself blessed to have some very close friends and family who have looked past my appearance and asked, “How are you going?” They don’t answer before I can finish.  They give me space to be honest, they inspire me with faith, they are fearless and I thank them.

If you know someone who is in a tough situation, a trial of sorts, I encourage us all to have the courage to ask how they are and then take the time to listen to their response. Learn to see with your ears.

Looks may not be the whole story.

Phil

5

Today’s potential

It is true that some get more out of their 60 minutes in the hour than others.

What makes you more likely to reach today’s potential is directly related to how you put your time to use. You see, time is life.  When we let time ‘pass by’, life sails on by with it.  Time is a non-renewable commodity.  It is more important than energy and more valuable than money.

To manage time, I have learnt that sometimes slower is actually faster.

Preparation may seem like a slower process than just getting stuck in and doing it.  However, planning your approach can actually save hours of wasted trial and error.

Whenever I am preparing for a holiday, I spend time planning as much as I can.  I prefer to arrive departure card completed as well as knowing my plan for transit from the airport so I can start enjoying a new city.

Planning isn’t a kill-joy, it actually allows you more time to be spontaneous.

In making the most of time, learn to do the shuffle.   Shuffle things around to best make use of time available.

If you’re a morning person, don’t leave your most draining tasks until late at night.  Use your time to your advantage.

When I was working in Auckland CBD, if I left home half an hour earlier, it saved me almost an hour in peak-hour traffic.  Instead of wasting time in transit, I organised my life to leave earlier and use that time on the other end for meditation before starting my work day.  I could literally save time by planning well.

Psalm 90: 10-12 says, ‘Our days may come to seventy years, or eighty, if our strength endures; yet the best of them are but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away… Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.“

I hope today that we may make the most of our time, as men and women with hearts of wisdom.

Being efficient is doing things with excellence in the least amount of time.  Being effective is knowing which things to do efficiently.  Doing the wrong things efficiently is not the most effective use of time.

It can be as simple as working out what you value.

When you decide that, it will help you prioritise your time.   Values help you determine what’s important and therefore make the tough calls when they need to be made.  The word “no” is a powerful time management tool.

Using time well is a way of honouring the important in your life, the people around you and the values you live by.

Right use of the right time for the right purpose brings about right outcomes.

Are there phone calls you can make in transit instead of when you are with other people?  Could a phone call save you driving across town for a meeting? Or could you strategically organise your meetings near each other?

I would encourage you to do the mundane, routine tasks which require less energy when your energy is low or you’re tired, not during your most valuable times or when you have the highest energy levels.

When I was coaching a young married couple, they were frustrated that they had no time off to have fun.  What time they did get off, they spent doing chores – washing, cleaning the house etc.

I encouraged them to learn to shuffle based on what they valued (i.e. time together).  They could steal slices of time on weeknights, for example, ironing on Monday, vacuuming on Wednesday, washing on Friday.  You would be amazed at how it freed up the large block of time they wanted for their weekend.

Just a few of my thoughts on harnessing today’s potential.

Phil

8

Hate is not that bad

The opposites of life cause us to feel emotion all the stronger. Take love and hate.  Love for humankind causes us to hate suffering.  Love for life causes us to hate disease.

For me, these last few weeks have been marked by the contrasts of life.

One week I was at a Christian conference with Church leaders from around Australia, surrounded by old friends, it was an environment filled with vision and hope for a better future.

The next week (MND International Awareness Week) I was with new friends courageously battling a disease that can so easily rob people of vision and any expectation for a better future.

It was like I was living a micro experience of our world.  In fact, most of us live life a little like that, in a place of conflict between love and hate, anger and peace, hope and disappointment, satisfaction and frustration, pain and praise.

We attend funerals one day, and visit newborn babies the next.

We rejoice that our home was not destroyed by violent storms while we hear of others who lost everything.

We are broken hearted over the thousands who die in an earthquake whilst we are ecstatic about one baby rescued in the rubble.

How do we navigate this road of so many different realities?

How do I reconcile an environment of faith, and hope, only to walk amongst those whose dreams are shattered by their current circumstances?

Simply put, we must learn to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.

Our world needs people who don’t ignore pain and suffering, but allow it to do its work in raising emotions of right-anger, and even hate for the conditions some people face relentlessly each day.

Unless you and I can touch anger we cannot know true peace.

Unless we can hate suffering, then our love for people will not be deep enough to respond sacrificially.

My hatred for poverty, scarcity and starvation in other people’s lives will have a corresponding response of love if I allow it time to touch my soul.

Let’s not move too quickly from what we call negative emotions to the detriment of a corresponding positive response of compassion, or prayer, or the fight for justice.

Instead, anger for wrongful laws may run deep enough to bring about a corresponding response of reform.  Isn’t that how the movement to abolish slavery began? What about the death penalty?

Imagine if our hatred of disease and love for others prompted the urgency to find cures.  Isn’t that how Malaria is slowly being eradicated?

Only those who look long enough at the tragedy in Nepal will give towards the relief efforts to ensure help is given long after the media have dropped it.   Media may only last for a night, but money works when we sleep.

Today, I challenge you and I challenge me, don’t run from the opportunity to help others.  Let your passion be driven not only by what you love but also by what you hate.

Phil

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