Search

Fridays with Phil

Life, family and unshakeable faith

Open Search

The Secret to Happiness

Single, Married, Sick, Healthy, Rich, Poor? Discover the Secret to Happiness.
Single, Married, Sick, Healthy, Rich, Poor? Discover the Secret to Happiness.

Last week I was telling my psychologist how frustrating the changes in my body are. The simple things, like I have to wait for one of my sons to come over to carry salt to the swimming pool.

She said, “change will happen, sometimes we must learn to live with change being the new normal”.

What is the secret to a happy and content life?  I think it is learning to be content in whatever situation you find yourself in: single, married, sick, healthy, rich, or poor.  It’s a contentment that comes from within.

Philippians 4:12 says “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.”

Contentment is not conning yourself, psyching yourself up, or pretending you like what you really don’t like. That isn’t contentment — that’s fake.

Contentment is taking stock of your attitude and deciding that with Christ’s presence in you, you can cope! You can handle it! You are sufficient for the problem!

Contentment is not apathy, laziness, or complacency.  If you can change a situation, you don’t need to be content and lay in it — maybe you need to get up and do something about it.

Where you really need to master the art of a learned contentment is in the situations that you can’t control: those things that are beyond you.

So how do you do that?  I have learned a couple of ways:

One is to avoid comparison.

There will always be people that make more money than you, who have greater opportunities than you have, or who have fewer problems. So what? That need not have any bearing on your own personal contentment.

Howard Hughes, a business magnate and Hollywood socialite, was once asked, “How much money does it take to make a man happy?” He said, “Just a little more.”

In stark contrast, the Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:18, “We don’t look around at what we see right now, the troubles all around us. But we look forward to the joys in heaven.”

You don’t need to have what others have, be liked by everyone or have more than what you have now to be content.

I can’t afford to spend time comparing myself to other people or in the futile pursuit of more.   I keep my eyes on a far greater hope and purpose.

Another is to adjust to change.

Life is full of ups and downs — emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. One thing is certain in life: change.

Change is going to happen whether you like it or not and we must be flexible because circumstances usually aren’t.

How well do you handle change?  Do you get frightened? Moody? Angry? Uptight?

Your happiness in life will be largely dependant upon your ability to adapt, adjust, and be flexible.

What is the secret of a content and happy life? Learn to relax, trust God, avoid comparing yourself and adjust to change.

Phil

18

A few thoughts on poverty, grace and ultimate trust

Speaking with small business owners in Kinshasa, DR Congo
Speaking with small business owners in Kinshasa, DR Congo

Most of my trips overseas have been to visit, and hopefully help, people who are suffering far worse conditions than those in my homeland of Australia.

The poverty I have seen in parts of the world like Kenya, Rwanda, Nigeria and DR Congo is extreme and can be crippling to families and communities.

To try and paint a picture of this poverty with statistics, according to the World Bank, the Gross National Income per capita in the DR Congo is $220 compared to $59,570 per capita in Australia.

However, in the midst of the massive challenge that is poverty, I have observed people who have chosen to have trust, hope, faith and love towards Jesus.  This heart attitude sets their life on the path of looking for answers, not giving in to the trial.

What has always struck me is that even in their suffering, they seem to understand that circumstances are not always a good measure of God’s goodness.

God is still good.

They have taught me that, even when it is difficult to see or understand any reason, true love for Jesus is manifest in deep trust in times of trial.

God is still in control. 

I believe the reason for this unique life-giving perspective is that they are courageously lifting the word of God and the name of Jesus above their circumstances.  They are choosing to graciously respond and not react to daily struggles.   They respond with the grace that God provides daily and daily respond to God’s grace!

If you’re facing your own challenges: sickness, addiction, relationship breakdown or whatever it may be,  it is not just about whether you can believe God to fix that problem, but do you believe in the goodness, love and grace of God regardless of what you face?

The only way I know how to do this, while waiting for God’s provision, is to live with the presence of the Holy Spirit at work in my life.  It is what causes me to say, “His grace is sufficient for me.”  This is not by your own might, will, or power but by God’s Spirit, the great comforter.

God is still with you.

Psalm 136 says over and over again that “God’s mercy endures forever.”  Some translations say “His love endures forever” or “His kindness endures forever”.  The word “endures” tells us something: to endure implies that there will be tribulation, trial or persecution to overcome or to outlast.   It also tells us that God’s love, mercy, and kindness never quits!

Have you ever wanted to quit?  I’m sure you have, as I have at times, however strength is found in the fact that Jesus will never quit on you.

God is still for you.

Can I encourage you to do a heart check today – like my friends living in extreme poverty, is your heart open towards God, trusting his mercy, love and kindness, relying on and responding to Jesus’ grace that is all-sufficient?

Live in the slipstream of His grace today.

Phil

2

Heaven, healing and the in between

My neurologist just put me through my least favourite range of tests since being diagnosed with MND / ALS.

These electromyogram and nerve conduction tests are gruelling and painful.

They involve the signals to and from my muscles and brain being measured by using electric shock.

Other treatments, like the 3 hour immunoglobulin infusions I have once a month, are a breeze in comparison.

Light exercise to boost my happy endorphins, a drug for MND / ALS patients called “rilutek” said to increase life expectancy by 3-6 months, juicing for breakfast, and  a cocktail of about 40 vitamins I have self-prescribed through my own research have all become a regular part of my life.

Taking it deeper, daily I pray and believe for Jesus’ life, light and love to flow through my body, bringing life to my motor neurons.

I read my Bible and meditate on God’s word and His presence in my life, bringing my mind into a place of peace, not worry.

Why do I do all this stuff? 

Why do I fight this disease with medicines and subject my body to research? Why do I hang my hope on the life-giving power of God’s word?

It’s because I believe in the power of prayer and the word of God that brings life and transforms.

I also believe that God has blessed man with wisdom and knowledge to appropriate healing through medicine.

Is there a tension between me doing what I can and believing God for a miracle?

Yes, there is a tension and for the Christian living in a fallen world: there always will be.

I personally walk the line between doing what I can in the natural, and believing God to do what He can in the supernatural.

They are not mutually exclusive.

We don’t disqualify God from intervening in our situation by relying on man’s advancement in medicine.

I believe God is at work in a number of ways in sickness and health through:

  • the supernatural intervention of Gods miraculous power
    (e.g. defying doctor’s predictions and seeing a medical turnaround. like people healed from cancer);
  • the process of regeneration in our body that has been created by God
    (e.g. the body healing itself from scrapes and bruises);
  • medicines and medical advancements of our time, a gift of God’s wisdom and knowledge to man
    (e.g. antibiotics to treat an infection, or radiation to treat cancer); and
  • the comfort and wonder of one day entering heaven and eternity, a place God has prepared with no sickness or sorrow
    (e.g. death of our physical body causing us to pass from this life to the next).

All are expressions of God’s love, care and kindness towards a world that will continue to struggle against sickness and disease.

If you are sick today, I would encourage you to do whatever is available for you to do as provided by God through medical advancement and trust God to do what only He can do.

This will bring you great peace.

Phil

Me and one of the legends from our MND / ALS small group
Me and one of the legends from our MND / ALS small group
19

Want more followers?

Want more followers?

The best leaders are those who know how to follow well.  In turn, they are supported by followers, who are leaders, who follow and so on and so forth.

Martin Luther King Jnr was a great leader because he courageously followed the dream in his heart, a dream of a better tomorrow for his children.

A byproduct of his courageous “follow-ship” was that many followed that same dream and that dream became a reality.

Jesus Christ, arguably the greatest leader in history, followed the leadership or will of His Father.  He also told others, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matthew 4:19).

Here, He is saying: Follow me, as I also follow my Father, and I will make you leaders (that is, people, who others will follow).

Whether you are following a leader, boss, or dream, or whether you desire to become a great leader, boss, or dream-caster: be encouraged to follow courageously.

What does the courageous follower look like?

Firstly, they are risk-takers.    We usually structure our lives to reduce risk to an acceptable level.  However, courage requires a willingness to consciously raise our level of risk to follow without reservation and wholeheartedly. If there is no risk, courage is not needed.

Nelson Mandela said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.”

Secondly, they are responsible.  Courageous followers discover or create opportunities to fulfil their potential and maximise their value to the team. They are not afraid to work hard to see their leader and team succeed.

Thirdly, they are willing to change.  Courageous followers see the need for transformation, whether in society, in organisations or in themselves.  They champion the need for change.

The sooner we get used to the idea of courageous followers supporting courageous leaders (who are courageous followers), the sooner we can change the world for the better.

I hope this has challenged you to be a courageous follower of others but also of dreams and visions bigger than yourself and your present reality.

I have a dream that one day there will be a cure for MND / ALS. For me to realise that dream I must courageously face the reality of this disease and be willing to take risks and be responsible so that awareness and finances can inspire research and breakthrough.

What is your dream or vision for your better future?

Ask yourself what steps of risk, transformation or responsibility are required to step out with courage today.

Phil

This is Newcastle Mayor Jeff McCloy and State MP NSW Tim Owen. Leaders who are courageously bringing change to Newcastle city. Passionate locals are joining in to make their dream a reality.
This is Newcastle Mayor Jeff McCloy and State MP NSW Tim Owen. Leaders who are courageously bringing change to Newcastle city. Passionate locals are joining in to make their dream a reality.
3

What I learnt from the Railway Man

When Lenore and I were in Sydney last week, we saw the movie The Railway Man.

It’s about Eric Lomax who is tortured, beaten and forced to work on the Thai-Burma Railway during Work War II.  This film portrays the power of radical forgiveness.

It is a true story that played on my mind well after I had left the cinema.

Too often we see people take out brutal revenge on others for even the smallest grievance.  Just this week in Florida, a man was shot dead because he was texting in a movie. Here in Australia, we have seen too many “coward” or senseless punches.

Could it be that we have become a society intolerant of others who make mistakes or let us down? 

I wonder if the unrealistic expectation we place on others to be perfect is escalating feelings of frustration and disappointment, ultimately taking the luster out of life.

None of us are perfect.  That’s the very premise upon which we need a Saviour who gives us grace in our imperfection.

Life really begins when we accept that and embrace the forgiveness readily available to all of us.  Psalm 86:5 says, “For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.”

Perhaps one of the reasons that we fail to go easy on others is that we are too hard on ourselves?

We are our own worst critic.

We see the young lady tormented because she doesn’t have the body portrayed in magazines.  Likewise, we see the young man feeling inadequate because he doesn’t match up to the hero portrayed on TV screens.

Jesus tells us to “love others as we love ourselves”.  To live in the overflow of love towards others, we must first love ourselves.

To take it a step further, to live without harsh judgment towards others, we need to live without harsh judgment towards ourselves.

In this life of love that we are called to live, we simply can’t negate the need to forgive: others and ourselves.

As I watch my body becoming less than what I would like, due to MND / ALS, I need to be less condemning of my body and more forgiving of its imperfections in order to appreciate the present strengths I do have.

My forgiveness towards my body is not surrendering to its weaknesses, but rather giving me the strength to believe for better days ahead.  It is a grace that opens my life to God’s healing presence.

Forgiving those who have hurt you is not surrendering to the pain or accepting their behaviour, it is grace extended so that you too can be free to love others and love yourself.

What is it in your life that you need to forgive today so you can live a life free to love?

Phil

My beautiful wife Lenore enjoying Sydney in the Australian sunshine
My beautiful wife Lenore enjoying Sydney in the Australian sunshine
21

A thought for parents: be a catalyst for change

kids2

My children and I had as diverse an upbringing as you could ever imagine.
I was one of 6; they were one of 2.
I saw police frequently at my home; they never did.
I got my first job at age 9 to help support our family; they were blissfully unaware of financial responsibility at age 9.
I lived in the same housing commission home until I was married at age 19; they had travelled the world and lived in several homes by age 19.
You may be reading this and wondering, as I did, “how will I ever be a successful parent, given the upbringing that I have had?”
I can tell you from personal experience that even though your upbringing may have taught you more about what not to do than what to do, you can be the catalyst that brings lasting change, not just for your children, but for generations to come.

These are a few things I hope will help you (as they helped me) be that change:

  1. Find the courage to stay engaged in healthy relationships.   By doing this, you can expose your kids to examples of who they could become.  My mother, a single parent for many years, took me to a monthly men’s breakfast at our church and sat up the back while I interacted with men of great character.
  2. In the early years, I read whatever I could get my hands on with regards to parenting from reputable authors.  Having parenting resources on hand was an invaluable parenting tool.
  3. Don’t be scared to ask for help from another parent who you admire and who has gone before you. [Tip: initiate a coffee catch up, keep to the agreed time and foot the bill – this shows that you value them and their input].
  4. I prayed a lot. God wants to give you His wisdom and guidance in your daily parenting choices: you are not alone.  I also prayed for my kids while they slept.
  5. This may be a strange one, but have things in your child’s world that stay the same. I always wore the same “Kouros” aftershave.  I later found out that if I was away, my girls would spray some on their teddy bears so they could “smell dad”. I think these tokens of consistency can be incredibly stabilising to a child’s environment.
  6. There is no better way to set your kids up for success in their own marriage than to love your spouse wholeheartedly. Speak highly of your spouse, be best friends, and encourage them to reach their full potential.
  7. I never forced my own faith on my girls but I lived my faith day in and day out. They would see me reading my bible, making Sundays at church the best day of the week, and being the same man at home as at the pulpit. Today, they love church, and are secure in their faith.  Nothing blesses my heart more.

It’s never too late to be the change in your family.

Phil

Psalm 145:4: One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. 

15

Time to have your best year yet

I love watches.  I enjoy browsing the latest styles and checking antique shops for special designs.

The challenge of a watch is that it is circular, giving you the illusion that if you wait long enough this time will come around again.

The reality is that time is linear, in so much as it is more of a straight ongoing line, and it only moves forward, it does not stop and it does not replay.

As we are swept into this new year, time is something on many of our minds: we look back and we look forwards. But do we pause long enough to look at right now, this moment, this minute?

John Lennon wrote the lyrics:
“Before you cross the street take my hand.
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

In the same vain, Psalm 90:12 says, “So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

In order to embrace this moment, I think we do need to stare time in the face, including what has been and what may come.

In one sense, we need to let go of the time that has passed, let bygones be bygones. In another sense, the past is not dead at all – it has shaped us and made us, to a certain degree, who we are. We must deal with the past effectively if we are to live in the present happily.

We should also take time to dream, consider and prepare for the possibilities of what the future may hold. The future can give us hope for a better tomorrow and the possibility for change, if we are careful about the time that can be planned.

Time that is now

Today is all we have: “now” is the acceptable time. Although we live in this present reality, are we attentive to this present moment?

One of the byproducts of being given a shortened life expectancy is that you try and slow time down by savouring experiences.  It makes you increasingly aware of the 1,440 minutes allocated to each of us per day.  I think I am now more present in the moment, taste my meals, listen more carefully and experience the beauty of the moment.

It’s the difference between just eating a strawberry, and tasting a strawberry.  I encourage you to taste the strawberries this 2014!

To have a successful new year, simply string together a chain of successful months.  To have a successful month, string together a chain of successful hours: a chain of “now” moments.  For now is the time:

  • to apologise
  • to forgive
  • to make a change
  • to give thanks
  • to encourage
  • to pray
  • to choose love

The best thing that we can do to honour our past and prepare for our future is to live with everything we have in the present. This is your “Now” moment!

Phil

Watching the fireworks at Nelson Bay New Year's Eve. My friend Bruce to the left and Lenore to the right.
Watching the fireworks at Nelson Bay New Year’s Eve. My friend Bruce to the left and Lenore to the right.
12

Is “why” the question?

Even at Christmas time, when many of us are celebrating, there are those who are doing it tough and for whom, Christmas is a difficult time.

The speed of communication these days will not allow us to ignore or be ignorant of the pain and hurt that is in our world.

Where is God in all this tragedy and heartache, in the brokenness of life, sickness and suffering?

Why do bad things happen?

We often default to cliché answers in response to these large, uncomfortable questions. Some common ones include:

  1. It must be God’s will
  2. God knows best
  3. Everything happens for a reason
  4. God is teaching us something
  5. We are being tested
  6. We are being punished
  7. God won’t give us more than we can bear

I too have heard myself giving some of these answers over years of supporting others going through hardship.

The problem with these responses is that when there is no rhyme or reason to hardship, we are left high and dry, with little comfort in our present-day pain.  When our circumstances do feel more than we can bear, we could become disheartened in our suffering.

What’s more, they appear to be conditional on our performance, in that once we learn the lesson, or once we pass the test, the trial will end.  Too many times, this is not the case.

When any of these responses are given in isolation or as the universal answer to all suffering – they may only distance us from God at the place of our tragedy, suffering, sickness and heartache.

These answers can leave us blaming ourselves, feeling guilt, or open to manipulation to perform one way or another.

Instead, the very nature of Christ and His message is grace, not blame, guilt or manipulation.  Unlike Karma, the goods news of the gospel is that we don’t get what we deserve!

Psalm 46:1 says:
God is our refuge and strength; a very present help in trouble.

And Psalm 121:1-2 says:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Instead of asking “WHY” trouble, David asks, “WHERE” does my help come?

Because David had a relationship with God, he turned to God as his refuge and strength.   Relationship enables us to focus on where our help is found and in turn causes us to live through our suffering.

This tells me that when suffering happens, you and I have a choice to make.

Will we deny it, pretend it doesn’t exist, fake it, isolate ourselves, stay numb, get angry, play the blame game or will we seek God’s help and choose to LIVE through it?

Here’s a few thoughts on how we can live through pain and suffering:

1.  With God’s help

God sends help in the form of others. People need consolation more than explanation when going through tragedy.

Caring and loving people can cause us to endure pain longer, better, and more courageously than if we were alone.

2.  By redeeming the tragedy

Many bad things that happen to us do not have meaning attached to them, they do not happen for any good reason which would cause us to accept them willingly. BUT we can give them meaning! We can impose meaning to them.

Don’t ask, why did this happen? Or, what did I do to deserve this? A better question is, now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it?

Why not ask, how can I take what was meant for evil and turn it around for good?

3.  By having an eternal perspective

Romans 8:18 says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

You cannot remove the suffering you face now from the glory that is yours in the future.

If you could put all the difficulties of your life on one side of the scale, and the glory that will someday be revealed to you through Christ on the other side of the scale, the glory would be so much heavier than your present sufferings.

Glory actually has the meaning of being “the weight of Gods presence”.

4.  By living with the presence of Jesus

I love the message and reality of Christmas; it’s about Jesus with us.

He is with us in each and every circumstance of life. He promised He would never leave us.  When we are weak, Jesus is our strength.  When we are confused, Jesus is our comfort.  When we are fearful, Jesus is our peace.  When we are sick, Jesus is our healer.

God loves you, He sees what you are going through and He cares – let Him be your help today.

Phil

P.s. Here are a few photos of our family celebrating Christmas this past week!  I trust you are having a wonderful time with friends and family.

photo (2) photo (3) photo (4) photo (5) photo (6)

19

A Different Kind of Visa

mnd walkphilandfriendOne year ago, on the Friday before Christmas, I was told I may have what’s called “Motor Neurone Disease” (MND).

I remember that day well.

My physio noticed that there were tremors in my legs.  I had been working with him and my chiropractor over that year to build my core, believing this would help strengthen my legs to run easier, especially up stairs.

He told me I needed to get to the doctor that same day and it was my doctor who explained that MND may be why I was experiencing these symptoms.   After weeks of scans, neurologist consults and painful tests, my doctor presented me with a certificate confirming the diagnosis of MND.

He said I should go home, resign my job and start doing what I have always wanted to do.  Little did he know, I was already doing what I had always wanted to do so it wasn’t quite that simple.

I know that receiving the doctor’s certificate that day should have brought feelings of horror and fear.  But instead I sensed peace and confidence.  A still voice (what I would explain as the voice of God) whispered to me:

“This is not a certificate, it’s a visa. A visa to another country, a country you have never travelled before.”

“You will be a missionary to this world and you will help offer them hope, joy and strength that comes from My Son.”

This country, or world of MND sufferers, has a population of about 1500 people in Australia alone, not to mention their family and careers.

And so, I have been willing to travel to this land with my different kind of visa.  I’m not sure when the expiry date will be, in fact I know that God can cancel the visa at anytime He wants and I will gladly come home with my healing.

I do know that in this past year, I have met the most incredible people and I hope to share about these experiences with you in future posts.

My perspective on my illness has raised different responses from people in my world.  Some feel that by being surrounded by others with the same disease, I am accepting the prognosis as final.  Others feel that by helping to raise awareness and funds for research, I am seeking to confront this disease on a practical front rather than a spiritual front.  I have found these points of view unsettling.

I simply believe that every challenge can be an opportunity for God to reveal His power and presence if we are willing to lean into the pain and discomfort for the sake of others; my hope is for God not just to heal me but by His presence in me touch others who may suffer similar pain and suffering.

One man, Jesus, leaned into His pain at Calvary so that we, the many, would benefit from His pain.  His act of courage became our means of salvation.

 

Phil.

 

[Afterthought: In April 2013, me and about 400 friends “Walked to d’feet MND” raising awareness and funds for research.  Collectively we raised just over $20,000.00for MND New South Wales to go towards research for a cure.]

50

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑