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Fridays with Phil

Life, family and unshakeable faith

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You can’t handle the truth!

How do you handle the truth? Have you stopped to think about how you receive it and how you communicate it?

As important and beneficial as truth is to our relationships and society, like anything good, if used in the wrong way, it can be abused.

We all have a responsibility to know when and who to deliver the truth to or whether to deliver it at all. Learn when to speak it and when to keep it.

While it’s important for us to always tell the truth (be honest); it’s not always important to share the truth (spread it).

You see, truth needs to be delivered to the right people at the right time for the right purpose.

Truth shared with the wrong people at the wrong time or for the wrong purpose is often hugely damaging, and worse still, cheap gossip.

A sure sign that someone can’t handle the truth, is if they share what is said in confidence. Sharing truth with the wrong people is indicative of ambitious drive, a need for power or an unhealthy fascination with the tantalising.

Another sign someone can’t handle the truth is if they excuse hurtful or demeaning remarks with a flippant, “well, it’s the truth!”

In a world where we can communicate so much to so many so easily, we need to be careful that even when speaking truth, we exercise wisdom, integrity and love.

You want the truth? How do you handle it?

As in all things difficult to navigate, the Bible gives us some clear guidance.

In Matthew 5:21-26, Jesus encourages us that if we have an issue with a friend, we should go and make it right with that person.  He explains that words are powerful and have consequences.

I have found a good principle of thumb is that truth should be shared with the people immediately affected and someone who can do something about it: go upwards, not sidewards.

If someone offers to tell me something in confidence, I will often say, “You can tell me but depending on what you are about to say will determine who I will share the information with.”   More often than not, I redirect their truth-telling to the appropriate person or authority.

Proverbs 3:3 says, “Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart…”

We see here another principle found in the Bible is that if you need to share truth with people, make sure the motive is not power or ambition but mercy and love. In love, we need to learn to deliver truth with grace or mercy.

And finally, Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, there is “…a right time to shut up and another to speak up…”

Many times the best thing you can do with truth is keep it to yourself.  Sometimes the truth needs to stop at me because to go any further is to continue the gossip train. Some truth is just none of my business.

My encouragement to you today is to be a safe place when it comes to truth. Be someone who CAN handle the truth!

Phil

7

Give me life

On Sunday, I became a grandparent and I have barely stopped smiling since. Lucas James is a joy-bringer and a gift. As I hold him, I am filled with the deepest sense of awe and love.

I wonder if this is true of life, that as we nurture those around us, both the lovely and the unlovely of this world, we live with a greater sense of wellbeing. Just from my own observation, the most giving people I know are also the happiest people I know.

It’s true that to live, we need to exhale, to inhale. In the same way, we need to give, to receive. Not only is this a principle to live by, but it is a principle for life flow. It is oxygen.

In pouring out ourselves, we are not depleted, we are filled. In fact, my motive for giving is partly the purpose it creates within me, the energy and life it brings.  I have found that a peaceful “inner” world (my mind, will and emotions) is greatly impacted by how I reach out into the “outer” world around me.

Since being diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease (MND), Lenore and I have become actively involved in the MND community. We endeavour to offer words of comfort and care to those suffering and their loved ones. It has forced me to face my own feelings in order to bring life to others. And I wonder if, in turn, it has given me back life.

By helping others through their suffering and giving of ourselves, we receive the ability, that is beyond ourselves, to stand in the face of trial.

When we give to others, we are saying, “I have abundance, I have resource that is not based on scarcity.” For me, that abundance is the overflow of God’s love and care for me.

When we do not reach out and care, we start to believe we are bankrupt, we are saying “I give nothing because I have nothing.” The truth is we have nothing of real value or substance because we choose not to give.

Take gravity for instance. Even though it pushes against us, it is the very force that enables us to stand upright and walk on earth.            

When in the face of the very thing that is pressing against us, we decide to reach out to others, our pain becomes the vehicle for God’s grace to reveal itself in and through us.

Today, I believe that your suffering and brokenness is an opportunity for God to reveal Himself.  In the middle of your pain, you can find joy because of how it touches the hearts and lives of others. But only if we choose to give.

My senior pastors recently told me that the recorded footage of me telling my story of MND in Australia has been replayed to thousands in London and New York and has been encouraging many people.

All I could say was “thank you”. You see, it did as much for me as it did for others to know that my pain was not in vain, was not fruitless or pointless, but has been used to somehow help others.

Einstein said it this way, “only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile”. Jesus said, “it is more blessed to give than to receive”.

Giving is oxygen. Remember to exhale.

Phil

15

God & Disneyland

As a father to daughters, I remember sometimes they would question my love for them based on my response to their demands.

They thought if I didn’t do what they wanted, when they wanted it, then I didn’t love them or want what they wanted.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

One occasion was when they wanted to go to Disneyland. They didn’t know where it was or how much time, effort, and money it would take to get there. They just wanted to go, now!

I knew that to take them was a big deal for us and would mean saving up, and making sure they were old enough (and tall enough) to experience and remember the rides.

When we did end up going to Disneyland, it wasn’t exactly when they wanted to go but my perspective as a dad who loved them and wanted the best for them guided me. And we had an incredible time!

As kids, they had little choice but to trust me to help give them what they dreamed of. As adults, the reality is it can be harder to trust our heavenly Father to give us the desires of our heart, whatever they may be, even though God’s nature is love and He is supremely trustworthy.

Over the years, I have heard people defend their disbelief in God or in His loving nature by saying that “if there was a God, then why wouldn’t he stop wars and make this world a better place?” (“Make Disneyland come true now!”).

We can assume that just because God hasn’t done what we want yet, that He never will or doesn’t want to.

I believe that not only does God exist, but God cares and His perspective guides Him to our best future.

Let me encourage you, just because God hasn’t rid the world of famine, wars and disease, doesn’t mean He doesn’t intend to, maybe His timing is just different to ours.

My Bible tells me that God’s ultimate intention is to create an existence where what we can so easily use as an excuse not to believe (i.e. heartache here on earth) will be no longer.

2 Peter 3:9 (MSG) says, “God isn’t late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn’t want anyone lost. He’s giving everyone space and time to change.”

You see, God wants what we want: peace, no disease, no hatred, no famine and He will get what He wants – in time.

Maybe like me with my daughters and Disneyland, it’s not an angry, hateful God causing Him to wait, but a loving, gracious God who wants us to know and trust Him. He is giving you and I the opportunity to be present with Him when He does eventually remove all the hell from this world.

While we live in these times of grace, we will continue to see man destroy what God created for good, but this is not the end of the story.

In your life, I pray today you would experience His grace in your situation, trust His perspective, know His love, and believe for His best. This is not the end of your story either.

Phil

6

Find your energy sweet spot

Do you need more energy in your life? Are you tired, run down or lacking drive?

Maybe all the energy you need is available to you but you haven’t yet tapped into it. Maybe your best energy is being wasted on the small stuff, and maybe the key is not more energy but the discipline of when to use that energy and on what.

You see, this week I have had a solar system installed. How it works is energy is produced through the solar panels on my roof and is then available for consumption. As long as the amount being consumed is less that the amount being produced, I pay nothing for it. It’s astounding to me that this option was available before but I am only just now tapping into it.

My solar system makes me think about life. Do we try and live in the deficit, on empty tanks, and inefficiently when it comes to energy, or do we live out of the overflow of what is available to us?

Jesus puts it like this in Matthew 11:30, “Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

The reality is if you can work out when your optimal energy levels are for each activity in your life, then use that energy at the right time, on the right activity, you will find a natural rhythm to your life.

For me, if I’m preparing a message or writing a blog, I like to do it in the morning because that’s when my most creative energy is available to me. I tend to wake up with fresh ideas and inspiration. As the day goes on, my emotional energy is strongest so it’s the best time for me to be with others.  If I tried to do these things in the reverse, I would feel drained and frustrated.

So that’s me, but what about you? Could you fit cleaning, emails and other repetitive tasks into the “in between” times, when you have 10 minutes here or there, waiting for meetings to start, or on public transport?  Doing that means you save the best times for your most significant activities in your day.

The truth is we all have energy available to us: physical, emotional, spiritual energy and all three areas impact on the other – 

  • Physical energy is available to us by the food or fuel we consume, exercise we do and the sleep we get.
  • Emotional energy is received through our relationships, our caring for others and their care for us.
  • Spiritual energy is received from our belief and faith experiences with God through the bible, prayer and relationship with Jesus. I love this verse – Colossians 1:29, “That’s what I’m working so hard at day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God so generously gives me.”

Like my solar system, we can only use what we have received.  If we use these types of energy wisely, I wholeheartedly believe, we will better our life experience.

Why not take a moment to look at what you do and when you do it, and if needed, make a small adjustment in timing to redistribute energy and in doing so, help you live life to the full!

Phil

4

When slow is good

A highlight of my recent trip was meeting my sister's grandkids...days of grace.
A highlight of my recent trip was meeting my sister’s grandkids…days of grace.

I like things that move fast, I enjoy seeing progress, growth excites me.

However, today I’m thankful for things that move slow, mostly the progress of Motor Neurone Disease (or commonly called Lou Gehrig’s Disease/ALS) in my body.

I know I can’t walk the same, my hands are weaker and I need more help getting around, but in light of where I was expected to be by now, this disease is moving slowly by MND / ALS standards.

I am living in days of grace – and aren’t we all?

Some would say my slow progress is a miracle. I believe that. Others would say it’s due to the practical things I have done and choices I have made. I believe that too. Daily, I pray, I meditate, I rest. Daily, I concentrate on minimising stress, a known accelerant of MND / ALS, and follow a strict vitamin regime.

You see, the medical world has no traditional way to fight MND / ALS at this time. There is no surgery, no treatment that I can have to remove the disease or kill it. In fact, what looks like surrender to the disease is actually the most effective way of fighting the disease: rest, peace and hope!

It’s strange to fight with rest, to agitate with peace, to move forward with hope – but as is the case with life, you have to do what you can do and leave the rest to God.

I wonder if in your life, in what you face right now and the season you are in, if you’ve been trying to fight with force, energy and speed when instead, you should be resting.

There’s a lot to be said for rest. For one, it’s how God designed us to operate, with work and rest, rhythmically, infused by Sabbaths. Not only that, but He also leads us to rest if we follow Him there. So, how do you rest? Do you take a walk by the beach, work out, hang out with family, worship, read?

When you rest, you put yourself in a position to receive the peace of God. It’s a peace that supersedes your experience and sustains you through your day. Ultimately, that you would put your hope unswervingly in God, the one who can do more than we could ever hope, dream or imagine.

And that’s exactly what I am doing. I’m resting in the truth that today is a gift and I’m thankful for it. I’m living with peace in the face of death and disability. I have a hope that what I see as a future dream, a cure for anyone who is ever diagnosed with MND / ALS, will one day become a present day reality.

I pray rest, peace and hope for you today too.

Phil

16

Mad at God

This week I was poked and prodded, all part of regular check-ups to monitor the effects of Motor Neurone Disease on my body.

Throughout it all, I felt a strong sense of God with me.

I thank God that this disease, as bad and dark as it is some days, has not shaken my faith.

The strange thing is that in our humanity, we can sometimes allow our belief in God’s goodness and love to become weakened because of someone else’s trial or dark times.

I have witnessed people get mad at God on behalf of someone else and yet the person going through the bankruptcy, broken relationship, illness, or loss is not mad at God at all.

To the contrary, the person going through it is dependent on God’s presence and comfort in the midst of what they are going through.

Can I encourage you not to carry offence towards God on behalf of someone else?

Don’t take on offence because of what others are going through. Don’t make my trial your excuse.

It takes a strong person to be able to get close to another’s weakness, close to their mortality, and stay strong in their personal faith in God.

Let me say on behalf of all those in a trial, we need our friends to be strong, not mad.

Watching your strength gives us strength. Watching you become weak over our trial only adds to our trial.

I think of John, the disciple of Jesus. In Acts 12, we read that his brother James is killed by Herod as a young man. In the very next verses, we see that Peter gets supernaturally rescued by God. John’s brother dies while Peter is saved.

We see that not only does John stay the faith through this trial, he encourages and supports the growth of the Church through writing books that expound God’s faithfulness in trials.

In 1 John 1:5, he writes “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” And in 1 John 4:16, he writes, “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

This doesn’t sound like someone who, because of the trials of others, had become disillusioned, offended or bitter with God.

And so, whatever you are observing in another’s battle, please continue to have compassion, continue to care and support them. Fight for what is right and for justice but do not get offended with God because of someone else’s dark valley. God and us will be ok.

If you need God’s strength to be strong for someone else, I encourage you to get into His presence, spend time in His Word, ask Him for strength.

Keep trusting.

Phil

By the way, I’m doing a road trip in the USA with my good friend Steve over the next three weeks so for “Fridays with Phil” updates, follow my journey on Instagram (@pcamden).

15

Death, where is your sting?

My mate, Bruce. 27/07/1955 - 11/09/2014
My mate, Bruce. 27/07/1955 – 11/09/2014

On Tuesday, I officiated the funeral of one of my best mates and a fellow pastor, Bruce.

I also closely witnessed his last few weeks on this earth.

What struck me most in those last days was Bruce’s assurance of heaven and eternity. Each time I asked him “how are you in here mate?” pointing to my head, or “how are you in here mate?” pointing to my heart, he would answer “it’s all good buddy!”

And it truly was – he had a tremendous peace and unwavering faith.

I remember sitting there with him contemplating the terminal illness Bruce had and hoping other people I loved didn’t have to face what he was facing. I realise now we all have what he had: mortality.

Most people live this life like it will never end and prepare for the next life like it will never begin, but it comes to all of us whether we prepare or not.

We are all terminal but we are also all eternal.

This life on earth is short so we need to make it count by being present, by loving, being grateful for the little things, and forgiving. Talk to people about what matters, not what is the matter with life.

Bruce taught me that “this side” is so fragile and short and because of that, it is so precious.  Like many valuable things, life’s value is derived from the fact it is in limited supply.

Whether you like to think about it or not, we are all living in temporary accommodation, our skin gets a little more creased and our hair a little more grey or a little less full stop. It’s a confronting reminder that sooner or later, we will all be evicted from our bodies.

The question this raises is, what’s on the other side?

I appreciate that it’s hard for us to imagine the other side.

Some people just decide that there is nothing over there. But you do have to wonder why the rumours of the other side stay so persistent.

And so the human race wonders.

As a Christian, I believe that Jesus Christ has defeated the sting or darkness of death so that we can have real life today and eternal life on “the other side”. I believe that God has made a way for us to be with Him forever through faith in Jesus Christ.

From this side, for us, death can be a time of sorrow, loss and of separation. But from the other side, for people like Bruce, it is a time of release, reunion, rest and reward. It is the beginning of a bright new eternal life.

Heaven is a reality where there is no pain, no tears, and no sorrow. Gone will be the nights filled with terror, fear and violence. Hunger and thirst, not even a memory. Heaven will be a place of endless joy.

A little girl was taking an evening walk with her father.   She looked up at the starry night sky and said, “Oh, Daddy, if the wrong side of heaven is so beautiful, what must the right side be like!”

This one’s for you buddy, my mate Bruce, on the other side.

Phil

10

Deadline Ahead

Deadlines. This blog has one: every Friday by 6am.

Have you ever wondered where the word “deadline” comes from? The term was used in war times when prisoners could not be kept within structural boundaries or walls.

Captors would keep prisoners within an imaginary, real or painted line called a “dead line.” If the prisoners touched or crossed this line, they would be shot and killed.[1]

No wonder when our world is filled with deadlines, we can feel trapped and imprisoned by our own schedules to the point we feel dead to the life around us.

Can I encourage you to break free of deadlines by building margin into your life for the things that matter: time with loved ones, time with your creator, time of rest. Put it in your schedule and make it happen.

We live in a world that has the ability to rob us from the important while we are running around trying to finish the urgent. The urgent makes us busy but doesn’t give us the margin to live freely and spontaneously in the moment.

I have learned that the urgent things in my life mostly either arise from those around me who are not as disciplined with their important or where I have failed to take control of my own important.

As a pastor, I would encounter couples who needed to see me “now.”  They were desperate for help in their marriage which had unfortunately suffered neglect, causing an urgent situation.

If we put off the important, it soon becomes the urgent, and urgent means rushed and rushed means less than best. Instead, I encourage you to address the important, yours or someone else’s, before it becomes the urgent.

Remember that today’s urgent is yesterday’s important that didn’t get done because yesterday I was busy doing the urgent of the day before.

Iain Thomas wrote:

“Every day the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “this is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this”. And each day, its up to you to yank your hand back, put your hand on your heart and say, No. This is what’s important.”

How do we live in the important and not be harassed by the urgent? A few ways:

  • Listen to your heart. Love that will direct you to the important things and people in your world, trust your heart.
  • Use your mind. Don’t just react to things but respond with wisdom and thoughtfulness with a focus on your values and what really matters to you.
  • Understand that every yes has a no attached and every no has a yes attached. When you learn to say no, it is a sure way of saying yes to the important.

There is enough time today to do all that is important. Choose wisely.

Phil

[1] “Trial of Henry Wirz,” Report of the Secretary of War, Oct. 31, 1865.

7

There are little eyes upon you

Circa 1989. Proud of my girls then, and now!
Circa 1989. Proud of my girls then, and now!

Like it or not, our fathers have an incredible impact on our lives: either for good or bad.

One of the best compliments I have received from a friend of my daughter was, “you are the first person she wants to call if she needs help.”

I like to think that it was my consistency towards my girls that caused them to see me as a safe place. They knew what they were going to get when they reached out to me. I was always there for them and I didn’t stuff it all up (by God’s grace).

James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  God sets the ultimate example of a consistent Father for us all.

I truly believe that an inconsistent father robs children of security and confidence.

Sure, we all have mood swings, but how far do we let the pendulum swing in each direction?

Having consistency in mood does not mean keeping all emotions under wraps. No, our children need to see us being angry but not losing control over our words or actions, they need to see us being happy without going overboard and being foolish in our celebration.

Knowing what to expect from us emotionally will give them confidence to approach us.

Inconsistent fathers put their children on edge, wondering how Dad will react when he walks in the door. Living with an alcoholic father myself, and not knowing who or what I would come home to, that was my life and I didn’t want it to be my girls’ lives.

If I had a heavy day at work and didn’t feel I could be a great example to my kids, I would either keep driving until I had calmed down or sit in the car and get myself in a good space. But the moment I walked in the front door, I wanted to be present with them.

Being present is a sure sign of consistency.

Are you there for your kids? Really there? Or are you just going through the motions? For too many fathers, home is where they eat, sleep, and do their best to keep the noise level down.

I can remember more than one occasion when my girls would have to walk up to me and with two hands on my face turn my attention to them so I would listen to what they were saying. We all reap what we sow, so be present for your kids now or find that when your kids grow up they will have no time for you. I count myself blessed that still today my girls and I love hanging out.

And my final thought on consistency is consistently don’t stuff up.

Few things do more damage to children than fathers who spout moral absolutes and then live out a double standard. Our children are still watching to see if we “walk the talk.”

“Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t work when you’re raising kids. The flip side is “Do as I do” does work and you have the opportunity to model consistency to the generations.

And so with Father’s Day just around the corner, this blog is in honour of all the consistent dads out there.

Phil

“There are little eyes upon you.

And they’re watching night and day;

There are little ears that quickly

Take in every word you say;

There are little hands all eager

To do anything you do…”

– Author unknown

6

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