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Fridays with Phil

Life, family and unshakeable faith

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When slow is good

A highlight of my recent trip was meeting my sister's grandkids...days of grace.
A highlight of my recent trip was meeting my sister’s grandkids…days of grace.

I like things that move fast, I enjoy seeing progress, growth excites me.

However, today I’m thankful for things that move slow, mostly the progress of Motor Neurone Disease (or commonly called Lou Gehrig’s Disease/ALS) in my body.

I know I can’t walk the same, my hands are weaker and I need more help getting around, but in light of where I was expected to be by now, this disease is moving slowly by MND / ALS standards.

I am living in days of grace – and aren’t we all?

Some would say my slow progress is a miracle. I believe that. Others would say it’s due to the practical things I have done and choices I have made. I believe that too. Daily, I pray, I meditate, I rest. Daily, I concentrate on minimising stress, a known accelerant of MND / ALS, and follow a strict vitamin regime.

You see, the medical world has no traditional way to fight MND / ALS at this time. There is no surgery, no treatment that I can have to remove the disease or kill it. In fact, what looks like surrender to the disease is actually the most effective way of fighting the disease: rest, peace and hope!

It’s strange to fight with rest, to agitate with peace, to move forward with hope – but as is the case with life, you have to do what you can do and leave the rest to God.

I wonder if in your life, in what you face right now and the season you are in, if you’ve been trying to fight with force, energy and speed when instead, you should be resting.

There’s a lot to be said for rest. For one, it’s how God designed us to operate, with work and rest, rhythmically, infused by Sabbaths. Not only that, but He also leads us to rest if we follow Him there. So, how do you rest? Do you take a walk by the beach, work out, hang out with family, worship, read?

When you rest, you put yourself in a position to receive the peace of God. It’s a peace that supersedes your experience and sustains you through your day. Ultimately, that you would put your hope unswervingly in God, the one who can do more than we could ever hope, dream or imagine.

And that’s exactly what I am doing. I’m resting in the truth that today is a gift and I’m thankful for it. I’m living with peace in the face of death and disability. I have a hope that what I see as a future dream, a cure for anyone who is ever diagnosed with MND / ALS, will one day become a present day reality.

I pray rest, peace and hope for you today too.

Phil

16

Mad at God

This week I was poked and prodded, all part of regular check-ups to monitor the effects of Motor Neurone Disease on my body.

Throughout it all, I felt a strong sense of God with me.

I thank God that this disease, as bad and dark as it is some days, has not shaken my faith.

The strange thing is that in our humanity, we can sometimes allow our belief in God’s goodness and love to become weakened because of someone else’s trial or dark times.

I have witnessed people get mad at God on behalf of someone else and yet the person going through the bankruptcy, broken relationship, illness, or loss is not mad at God at all.

To the contrary, the person going through it is dependent on God’s presence and comfort in the midst of what they are going through.

Can I encourage you not to carry offence towards God on behalf of someone else?

Don’t take on offence because of what others are going through. Don’t make my trial your excuse.

It takes a strong person to be able to get close to another’s weakness, close to their mortality, and stay strong in their personal faith in God.

Let me say on behalf of all those in a trial, we need our friends to be strong, not mad.

Watching your strength gives us strength. Watching you become weak over our trial only adds to our trial.

I think of John, the disciple of Jesus. In Acts 12, we read that his brother James is killed by Herod as a young man. In the very next verses, we see that Peter gets supernaturally rescued by God. John’s brother dies while Peter is saved.

We see that not only does John stay the faith through this trial, he encourages and supports the growth of the Church through writing books that expound God’s faithfulness in trials.

In 1 John 1:5, he writes “God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.” And in 1 John 4:16, he writes, “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”

This doesn’t sound like someone who, because of the trials of others, had become disillusioned, offended or bitter with God.

And so, whatever you are observing in another’s battle, please continue to have compassion, continue to care and support them. Fight for what is right and for justice but do not get offended with God because of someone else’s dark valley. God and us will be ok.

If you need God’s strength to be strong for someone else, I encourage you to get into His presence, spend time in His Word, ask Him for strength.

Keep trusting.

Phil

By the way, I’m doing a road trip in the USA with my good friend Steve over the next three weeks so for “Fridays with Phil” updates, follow my journey on Instagram (@pcamden).

15

Death, where is your sting?

My mate, Bruce. 27/07/1955 - 11/09/2014
My mate, Bruce. 27/07/1955 – 11/09/2014

On Tuesday, I officiated the funeral of one of my best mates and a fellow pastor, Bruce.

I also closely witnessed his last few weeks on this earth.

What struck me most in those last days was Bruce’s assurance of heaven and eternity. Each time I asked him “how are you in here mate?” pointing to my head, or “how are you in here mate?” pointing to my heart, he would answer “it’s all good buddy!”

And it truly was – he had a tremendous peace and unwavering faith.

I remember sitting there with him contemplating the terminal illness Bruce had and hoping other people I loved didn’t have to face what he was facing. I realise now we all have what he had: mortality.

Most people live this life like it will never end and prepare for the next life like it will never begin, but it comes to all of us whether we prepare or not.

We are all terminal but we are also all eternal.

This life on earth is short so we need to make it count by being present, by loving, being grateful for the little things, and forgiving. Talk to people about what matters, not what is the matter with life.

Bruce taught me that “this side” is so fragile and short and because of that, it is so precious.  Like many valuable things, life’s value is derived from the fact it is in limited supply.

Whether you like to think about it or not, we are all living in temporary accommodation, our skin gets a little more creased and our hair a little more grey or a little less full stop. It’s a confronting reminder that sooner or later, we will all be evicted from our bodies.

The question this raises is, what’s on the other side?

I appreciate that it’s hard for us to imagine the other side.

Some people just decide that there is nothing over there. But you do have to wonder why the rumours of the other side stay so persistent.

And so the human race wonders.

As a Christian, I believe that Jesus Christ has defeated the sting or darkness of death so that we can have real life today and eternal life on “the other side”. I believe that God has made a way for us to be with Him forever through faith in Jesus Christ.

From this side, for us, death can be a time of sorrow, loss and of separation. But from the other side, for people like Bruce, it is a time of release, reunion, rest and reward. It is the beginning of a bright new eternal life.

Heaven is a reality where there is no pain, no tears, and no sorrow. Gone will be the nights filled with terror, fear and violence. Hunger and thirst, not even a memory. Heaven will be a place of endless joy.

A little girl was taking an evening walk with her father.   She looked up at the starry night sky and said, “Oh, Daddy, if the wrong side of heaven is so beautiful, what must the right side be like!”

This one’s for you buddy, my mate Bruce, on the other side.

Phil

10

Deadline Ahead

Deadlines. This blog has one: every Friday by 6am.

Have you ever wondered where the word “deadline” comes from? The term was used in war times when prisoners could not be kept within structural boundaries or walls.

Captors would keep prisoners within an imaginary, real or painted line called a “dead line.” If the prisoners touched or crossed this line, they would be shot and killed.[1]

No wonder when our world is filled with deadlines, we can feel trapped and imprisoned by our own schedules to the point we feel dead to the life around us.

Can I encourage you to break free of deadlines by building margin into your life for the things that matter: time with loved ones, time with your creator, time of rest. Put it in your schedule and make it happen.

We live in a world that has the ability to rob us from the important while we are running around trying to finish the urgent. The urgent makes us busy but doesn’t give us the margin to live freely and spontaneously in the moment.

I have learned that the urgent things in my life mostly either arise from those around me who are not as disciplined with their important or where I have failed to take control of my own important.

As a pastor, I would encounter couples who needed to see me “now.”  They were desperate for help in their marriage which had unfortunately suffered neglect, causing an urgent situation.

If we put off the important, it soon becomes the urgent, and urgent means rushed and rushed means less than best. Instead, I encourage you to address the important, yours or someone else’s, before it becomes the urgent.

Remember that today’s urgent is yesterday’s important that didn’t get done because yesterday I was busy doing the urgent of the day before.

Iain Thomas wrote:

“Every day the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “this is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this”. And each day, its up to you to yank your hand back, put your hand on your heart and say, No. This is what’s important.”

How do we live in the important and not be harassed by the urgent? A few ways:

  • Listen to your heart. Love that will direct you to the important things and people in your world, trust your heart.
  • Use your mind. Don’t just react to things but respond with wisdom and thoughtfulness with a focus on your values and what really matters to you.
  • Understand that every yes has a no attached and every no has a yes attached. When you learn to say no, it is a sure way of saying yes to the important.

There is enough time today to do all that is important. Choose wisely.

Phil

[1] “Trial of Henry Wirz,” Report of the Secretary of War, Oct. 31, 1865.

7

There are little eyes upon you

Circa 1989. Proud of my girls then, and now!
Circa 1989. Proud of my girls then, and now!

Like it or not, our fathers have an incredible impact on our lives: either for good or bad.

One of the best compliments I have received from a friend of my daughter was, “you are the first person she wants to call if she needs help.”

I like to think that it was my consistency towards my girls that caused them to see me as a safe place. They knew what they were going to get when they reached out to me. I was always there for them and I didn’t stuff it all up (by God’s grace).

James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  God sets the ultimate example of a consistent Father for us all.

I truly believe that an inconsistent father robs children of security and confidence.

Sure, we all have mood swings, but how far do we let the pendulum swing in each direction?

Having consistency in mood does not mean keeping all emotions under wraps. No, our children need to see us being angry but not losing control over our words or actions, they need to see us being happy without going overboard and being foolish in our celebration.

Knowing what to expect from us emotionally will give them confidence to approach us.

Inconsistent fathers put their children on edge, wondering how Dad will react when he walks in the door. Living with an alcoholic father myself, and not knowing who or what I would come home to, that was my life and I didn’t want it to be my girls’ lives.

If I had a heavy day at work and didn’t feel I could be a great example to my kids, I would either keep driving until I had calmed down or sit in the car and get myself in a good space. But the moment I walked in the front door, I wanted to be present with them.

Being present is a sure sign of consistency.

Are you there for your kids? Really there? Or are you just going through the motions? For too many fathers, home is where they eat, sleep, and do their best to keep the noise level down.

I can remember more than one occasion when my girls would have to walk up to me and with two hands on my face turn my attention to them so I would listen to what they were saying. We all reap what we sow, so be present for your kids now or find that when your kids grow up they will have no time for you. I count myself blessed that still today my girls and I love hanging out.

And my final thought on consistency is consistently don’t stuff up.

Few things do more damage to children than fathers who spout moral absolutes and then live out a double standard. Our children are still watching to see if we “walk the talk.”

“Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t work when you’re raising kids. The flip side is “Do as I do” does work and you have the opportunity to model consistency to the generations.

And so with Father’s Day just around the corner, this blog is in honour of all the consistent dads out there.

Phil

“There are little eyes upon you.

And they’re watching night and day;

There are little ears that quickly

Take in every word you say;

There are little hands all eager

To do anything you do…”

– Author unknown

6

Learning to sail before the storm


People have asked me many times over the past 18 months of my journey with Motor Neurone Disease (MND), “how have you stayed so peaceful and strong through it all?”

Sometimes I don’t feel as at peace or as strong as I may appear. However, more often than not, I am.

I believe the reason is that throughout my life I have read the Bible on a regular basis and the word that was in me has given me strength in my time of need. As a believer, a Christian, I hold the Bible in high esteem and see it as a necessary tool to shape my soul and spirit.

Someone once said, “we don’t learn to sail in stormy seas”.  In other words, don’t wait until you are in a storm to learn to sail. Don’t wait until you need the words of God in your life to find out what they are. You could find yourself sinking instead of sailing.

When I was first diagnosed with MND, Lenore, my wife, said to me, “I can’t even read the Bible, I can’t focus, it’s all just too much.”  We encouraged each other to let what we had read and heard previously rise up and give us strength.

It’s called “meditation” or “Holy Spirit enlightenment.”  It comes from chewing on what the Bible says, from reflecting on it and considering how you can apply it to your personal world.

I would hate to think where we would be if we hadn’t already learnt to sail, spiritually speaking.

When I go to a quiet place and read my Bible, it’s not to avoid the world and its challenges but to build my own inner self and strength to be able to deal with anything that comes.

I try every morning to set time aside for reading the Bible and write down something  about what I’ve read. I may just copy down one verse or a needed encouragement at the time. In fact, since 2007, I have determined to write at least something that each chapter has revealed to me.

When I do this, it may have no real connection to my immediate circumstances but it’s like putting money in the bank for a rainy day. I will draw from it sooner or later and I’ll be ready.

In Psalm 23, we find that the shepherd makes the sheep lay down on green pastures. Green pastures are typically what the sheep would eat. This says to me that there comes times when our Shepherd, Jesus, wants us to “lay down” or rest and on what we would normally “eat”.

Here is a verse from the Bible, why not just read it, think about it, and meditate on it.  See if you receive insight, strength or encouragement to your soul.

Psalm 46:1 – “God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.”

Phil

4

Me and a bucket of ice

 

Raising awareness for Motor Neurone Disease (MND) or more commonly referred to as ALS or Lou Gehrig’s disease in the States, has taken a giant leap forward over the past week with the #icebucketchallenge going viral.

I’m deeply moved and excited because I am confident that awareness is the first step towards finding a cure. As someone living with this disease, it is a personal passion of mine that one day no one would have to.

Neuroscientists have told me that they will find a cure, it’s only a matter of time and resource. In the meantime, with no prevention and no treatment, every 12 hours someone dies from the disease and every 12 hours someone else is diagnosed with it, in Australia alone.

The idea of the ice bucket challenge is pretty simple: get a bucket of ice cold water tipped over your head, nominate friends to do the same and donate to the cause. Everyone’s doing it; Oprah, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and many others in the sporting and entertainment world.

And it’s working. Twenty eight million Facebook users are discussing the challenge, while the ALS Association (ALSA.org) has received unprecedented donations, so far more than $35 million.

Here at home, Kochie, Russell Crowe, footy teams, and politicians are getting behind this social media phenomenon. Tonight, MND Australia are hosting the #icebucketchallenge world record attempt at Etihad stadium in Melbourne.

You may have heard that Neale Daniher, one of our AFL sporting heroes, revealed this week that he has MND / ALS.  Sean Lee, a sports writer commenting on this said,

“It will attack his body, take away his strength, destroy his independence and kill him. Nothing is surer…

And yet Daniher maintains his sense of humour. He remains positive…he says on more than one occasion that he has been lucky. It is a typical Daniher response to hardship. “She’ll be right mate.”

Except that it won’t be right. Not this time.”

As someone battling MND, a disease that I have but that does not and will not have me, I am so encouraged by the #icebucketchallenge, throwing this disease into the realm of public awareness.

Imagine if this crazy, fun challenge was the catalyst for raising enough money to fund enough research to find the right cure for MND / ALS.

Then, like Neale, we could say “she’ll be right mate” and it really would be.

Phil

10

The Art of Beginning

Crossing the finish line last year with Lenore (at an MND fundraiser event).
Crossing the finish line last year with Lenore (at an MND fundraiser event).

I hate arguing with my wife but I like making up. It’s easy to end a disagreement in silence. The hard part is whoever bites the bullet, ends the silence, and starts talking again.

As soon as you start, as in life, the easier it is to move forward.

Take your tax return for example. Many of us put this off until the last possible moment. But no matter how hard it is to sit down and do it, it only becomes easier breaking it down, question by question, hour by hour.

If something in your life seems too big, too hard, too long, too complicated, or too painful to even start, this blog is for you.

I have found that getting started can be the biggest hurdle of a pending victory. In fact, no battle has ever been won unless it was first begun. I’m not saying that starting something guarantees it will be easy. I am saying that starting is the biggest step to victory.

The Bible says that God who “began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished.”  Not even God can complete what He hasn’t begun. And neither can we.

Putting off seeing a doctor for a check-up, talking to a loved one about a sensitive issue, admitting a mistake or even mowing the lawn, only makes it more difficult, and the grass even longer!

The truth is, more often than not, when these things are taken on and started they are never as bad as what we imagined them to be and even if they weren’t pleasant, they are now behind us and not before us.

So, just do it. Procrastination is something we can all beat.

The best way to beat procrastination and the decay of failing to start what needs to be done is to stop making the less important and perhaps easier things the reason for not doing the important thing.

Along the way to completion, remind yourself of the pleasure of finishing, reward yourself along the way, celebrate progress, and maximise your optimum energy times (for me, that’s the morning).

Maybe you haven’t started something because you are afraid of the stress it may cause you. However, have you failed to consider the more harmful stress that procrastination is causing you?  In other words, the longer we don’t start something that needs to be started, the longer we live with the stress of that and the more damaging that can be.

What is it that you need to start today?

Phil

6

Back on track

I never thought I would need one of these.

This picture was taken riding my new four wheel scooter on the local Fernleigh Track.

It’s the first time I have returned to the track since being diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease (referred to as MND, or ALS). I used to run along here all the time, but because of the muscle waste in my feet and calves, I can no longer do that.

To tell you the truth, I would much rather be running: the pace, the clear mind, and the sense of accomplishment. Not being able to run is one type of loss, an unexpected change and disappointment, but I know that many of my readers face their own set of challenges.

For all of us, we have choices to make about our current state of mind, whether we allow challenges to completely derail us or whether we get back on track. Personally, I don’t want to get stuck in a place of sadness or regret for the things I can no longer do. Instead, I want to rest in a place of thanksgiving for the things I can.

In life, we decide whether to live in the memory of abilities or opportunities lost, or in the moment of new experiences to be found. We either waste our time carrying the burden of what we don’t have or we win today’s battle with the joy of what we do have.

Maybe in your yesterday, you were married, but today’s reality is that you are divorced or widowed. Then don’t let that divorce or death steal your life, start to find new ways of moving on, being you and loving again.

Maybe you are single and waiting to be married, or married and waiting to have children. No matter how challenging it is at times, life is far too short to spend our days wishing things were different, missing out on the wonder of life around us.

Or maybe, like me, you face a progressive disability, or simply the challenge of the normal aging process (that’s all of us!).   It’s hard when you find your recovery times are longer and you can’t bounce back like you once did. But do we stop trying or being involved at all just because we’re not as agile or fast as we once were?

I remember hearing from Australia’s most decorated women’s tennis champion, Margaret Court. Just because she is no longer world number one, did she stop playing tennis altogether? No, she still plays. I’m sure she has simply adjusted her game and expectations.

I throw you the challenge today, take your focus off your inability and onto your ability. Consider what you are able to do today that tomorrow you may not be able to and then enjoy doing it.

My scooter rides may not be the same as running but I’m doing what I can do. Besides, on my scooter, I get to enjoy more of my surrounding: the ferns, the beautiful trees, the sounds of bell birds above.

It’s never too late to get back on track.

Phil

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