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Fridays with Phil

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The only way to freedom

Too often we see people take out brutal revenge on others for even the smallest grievance.  You may recall the man shot dead because he was texting in a movie. We have seen too many “coward” or senseless punches, reactions in the heat of the moment.

Could it be that we have become a society intolerant of others who make mistakes or let us down? 

I wonder if the unrealistic expectation we place on others to be perfect is escalating feelings of frustration and disappointment, ultimately taking the luster out of life.

None of us are perfect.  That’s the very premise upon which we need a Saviour who gives us grace in our imperfection.

Life really begins when we accept that and embrace the forgiveness readily available to all of us.  Psalm 86:5 says, “For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.”

Perhaps one of the reasons that we fail to go easy on others is that we are too hard on ourselves?

We are our own worst critic.

We see the young lady tormented because she doesn’t have the body portrayed in magazines.  Likewise, we see the young man feeling inadequate because he doesn’t match up to the hero portrayed on TV screens.

Jesus tells us to “love others as we love ourselves”.  To live in the overflow of love towards others, we must first love ourselves.

To take it a step further, to live without harsh judgment towards others, we need to live without harsh judgment towards ourselves.

In this life of love that we are called to live, we simply can’t negate the need to forgive: others and ourselves.

As I watch my body becoming less than what I would like, due to MND / ALS, I need to be less condemning of my body and more forgiving of its imperfections in order to appreciate the present strengths I do have.

My forgiveness towards my body is not surrendering to its weaknesses, but rather giving me the strength to believe for better days ahead.  It is a grace that opens my life to God’s healing presence.

Forgiving those who have hurt you is not surrendering to the pain or accepting their behaviour, it is grace extended so that you too can be free to love others and love yourself.

What is it in your life that you need to forgive today so you can live a life free to love?

Phil

4

Where is God in Suffering?

The speed of communication these days will not allow us to ignore or be ignorant of the pain and hurt that is in our world.

Where is God in all this tragedy and heartache, in the brokenness of life, sickness and suffering?

Why do bad things happen?

We often default to cliché answers in response to these large, uncomfortable questions. Some common ones include:

  1. It must be God’s will
  2. God knows best
  3. Everything happens for a reason
  4. God is teaching us something
  5. We are being tested
  6. We are being punished
  7. God won’t give us more than we can bear

I too have heard myself giving some of these answers over years of supporting others going through hardship.

While they hold some truth, the problem with these responses is that when there is no rhyme or reason to hardship, we are left high and dry, with little comfort in our present-day pain.  When our circumstances do feel more than we can bear, we could become disheartened in our suffering.

What’s more, they appear to be conditional on our performance, in that once we learn the lesson, or once we pass the test, the trial will end.  Too many times, this is not the case.

When any of these responses are given in isolation or as the universal answer to all suffering – they may only distance us from God at the place of our tragedy, suffering, sickness and heartache.

These answers can leave us blaming ourselves, feeling guilt, or open to manipulation to perform one way or another.

Instead, the very nature of Christ and His message is grace, not blame, guilt or manipulation.  Unlike Karma, the goods news of the gospel is that we don’t get what we deserve!

Psalm 46:1 says:
God is our refuge and strength; a very present help in trouble.

And Psalm 121:1-2 says:

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Instead of asking “WHY” trouble, David asks, “WHERE” does my help come?

Because David had a relationship with God, he turned to God as his refuge and strength.   Relationship enables us to focus on where our help is found and in turn causes us to live through our suffering.

This tells me that when suffering happens, you and I have a choice to make.

Will we deny it, pretend it doesn’t exist, fake it, isolate ourselves, stay numb, get angry, play the blame game or will we seek God’s help and choose to LIVE through it?

Here’s a few thoughts on how we can live through pain and suffering:

1.  With God’s help

God sends help in the form of others. People need consolation more than explanation when going through tragedy.

Caring and loving people can cause us to endure pain longer, better, and more courageously than if we were alone.

2.  By redeeming the tragedy

Many bad things that happen to us do not have meaning attached to them, they do not happen for any good reason which would cause us to accept them willingly. BUT we can give them meaning! We can impose meaning to them.

Don’t ask, why did this happen? Or, what did I do to deserve this? A better question is, now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it?

Why not ask, how can I take what was meant for evil and turn it around for good?

3.  By having an eternal perspective

Romans 8:18 says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”

You cannot remove the suffering you face now from the glory that is yours in the future.

If you could put all the difficulties of your life on one side of the scale, and the glory that will someday be revealed to you through Christ on the other side of the scale, the glory would be so much heavier than your present sufferings.

Glory actually has the meaning of being “the weight of Gods presence”.

4.  By living with the presence of Jesus

The reality of a relationship with Jesus is that He is with us in each and every circumstance of life. He promised He would never leave us.  When we are weak, Jesus is our strength.  When we are confused, Jesus is our comfort.  When we are fearful, Jesus is our peace.  When we are sick, Jesus is our healer.

God loves you, He sees what you are going through and He cares – let Him be your help today.

Phil

[Blog originally posted 26 Dec 2013, as “Is ‘Why’ the question?”]

4

Faith in God, despite your circumstances

I was recently interviewed by Ps Paul Bartlett from Lighthouse in Wollongong.  This is his take on our conversation and I pray it is a blessing to you in your current circumstances.  Thanks Paul!


My friend Phil probably should be dead, or at the very least, angry and bitter.

He’s not any of those things – and it still amazes me.

Phil Camden is a 55-year-old father of two, a loving husband and a popular pastor who was diagnosed two years ago with Motor Neuron Disease (MND).

MND is an aggressive condition that destroys the body’s ability to communicate with its own muscles, usually resulting in death within a few years of diagnosis. Over the past year, you’ve probably come across MND (or ALS as it’s known in America) via the online craze known as the Ice-Bucket Challenge.

Ice-bucket challenge videos, where everyone from Barack Obama to Bill Gates had cold water tipped on their heads, have been viewed by more than 440 million people and raised $100 million for research into the disease.

“You eventually become locked inside a unmoveable body,” Phil said recently on a Sunday night at Lighthouse.

“Today is the strongest day that I will have from this point on unless I get a miracle. One day I’ll be trapped in my body, fully aware and able to think – but not able to communicate.”

Phil shared that the diagnosis had initially challenged his core beliefs but, after lots of tears and prayer, he now saw it as an opportunity to help other people going through similar terminal illness.

“I really believe that God is still a good God. In the midst of our pain and suffering, He becomes even more real and significant,” Phil said.

Like many others, Phil admitted he had sometimes found himself asking why bad things happened to good people.

Then he pointed to his waterproof watch and gave an incredible insight on life.

“My watch can go 200m deep in the water. The manufacturer doesn’t guarantee it won’t get wet, they guarantee the water won’t penetrate and destroy the watch,” he said.

“My Christianity does not guarantee that I will live through this world without any pain or suffering but it does guarantee that the world will not destroy my relationship with God and His love for me.”

Phil told the crowd that nobody liked talking about death but Christians should not shy away from it.

“Even if I was healed, I would still die one day. So death is not actually the issue.”

“I believe in healing but I also believe that we should be experts on dying because for us, death has lost its sting.”

“Everyone of us is going to die … and this is why God sent Jesus into the world so that when I do die I’ll have eternal life. It’s not a fairytale, it’s real.”

I came away deeply moved and challenged by Phil’s story.

In my world most people who are seen as having great faith are those that get the miracle. After listening to Phil I now believe that often the people with the greatest faith are those who need a miracle and don’t get one – but still believe God!

To read more from Paul visit http://www.adifferentlight.com.au/blog

4

The three-minute challenge

I’m writing this at an airport.  I’m watching people say goodbye to loved ones and it makes me wonder what they are saying.

What I hope is that it isn’t the first time they have said it during their time with each other.

Did they wait until the last three-minutes they had together to say the most important and meaningful exchanges: “I love you”, “Thank you”, “I’ll miss you”?

So often that’s the case.  We have friends over for dinner, spend hours communicating, and it’s only at the door, saying goodbye, that we talk about our appreciation for their friendship and hospitality.

I was touched this past week when friends of 30 years shared on our first night together how much our friendship meant to them.  Unfortunately, these sentiments of love and affection are often left until departure or remain entirely unsaid.

Too often the most important exchange of feeling and relationship are left until our final moments together. 

I believe there is a better way.  What would our relationships be like if we started our exchanges with the most important and finished satisfied that we had communicated the important?

Don’t you ever wonder why you didn’t have intimate conversations earlier?  Tragically, many people never have them at all.

My challenge, our challenge, is to reverse the trend and use our last words first. 

I cannot remember my dad and I speaking deeply about our love for each other until we were both adults, and at first it was awkward.  But it became easier and now several years after his death I’m very glad I ventured out of my comfort zone to say what mattered.

Believe me, this has been one of my life’s biggest challenges.  I am naturally a reserved guy keeping my feelings of love and deep feelings of emotion to myself.  But I have had to learn to change.  I realise now that the love of others and for others needs to be communicated more easily and readily.

Life is precious and relationships are priority.

The richest relationships include conversations about the things that really matter.

I once read about a leadership development seminar where the facilitator asked people to give a three-minute talk to everyone imagining that at the end they would die.  I know it sounds morbid but it challenged them to focus on the important.

What would you say in those last three minutes?  And who would you say it to?

Now take that and bring it forward, to today.  Tell someone today you love them, spend three minutes writing them a card, an email, or giving them a call.

While I confess I’m not great at this, my friends have taught me something valuable, that if we get better at it, our lives will be the richer.  If it is something new to you, aim to start small, just say something.  The more you do it, the more comfortable and natural it will become.

Don’t leave it until last, until the goodbyes of life.

Use your last words first.

Phil

4

How to find your true self

Thankful for these mates who helped me have an awesome time at the Formula 1 this week.
Thankful for these mates who helped me have an awesome time at the Formula 1 this week.

It’s an age-old game: kids, and even dogs, running after and trying to catch shiny bubbles made from soapy water. And just when they catch one, it disappears.

I wonder if today you feel like someone chasing bubbles, or chasing things that seem like they are uncatchable.

There’s no doubt that one of the things humanity tries hard to catch is meaning. We all find ourselves at one point or another chasing significance, and the more meaningful point to our existence. Often, we find at those times, the more we chase, the more frustrated we become.

I believe we are meant to be people who use life to create meaning, purpose and significance, rather than endlessly search for it.

To use the example above, we are not created to chase bubbles, we are created to blow bubbles, to inject life and meaning into our very existence.

How do we do this? Find a cause to live for.

Your cause in life will give meaning to your life and will determine who you become in life.

As a young man, I was obsessed for many years trying to become the person who I thought I needed to be. This put a lot of my own focus on me: on what I needed, what I wanted, what I thought was of value to my process of “becoming.”

The more egocentric and self-seeking I was, the less I knew about my own purpose and meaning for being. The more self-help books I read, the more introspective I became.  As funny as it sounds, I was my own cause.

However, I’m learning more and more that life is not about me and who I do or don’t become in this world. Life is about finding someone else I can help become all they can be.

In other words, if we can find a cause where the focus is on others and not self, then we, by default, “self-actualise” (that is, we become the person who we are meant to be).

In the search to help others, we discover ourselves.  The cause creates a road to meaning which leads us to becoming who we are.

Find a cause greater than yourself and own it, make it your own.

Focus your attention on meaning and you will become meaningful, or full of meaning.  Fulfilment is found when we find meaning.

When we are busy with a cause, along the way we discover meaning and who we are. Even more than that, it has the power to create a better me and a better you.  You may even find within yourself many attributes that you were unaware you even had.

The more I look at the successful and significant people in my world, I notice that their focus is not in becoming a successful or significant person as much as it is about creating a better world for someone else. Giving meaning to others gives them meaning as well.

The Bible puts it this way (Philippians 2:3-4):

Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.
Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

You will find your life when you live a life for others, for a cause that you have made your own.

Phil

10

“Are you happy?” & other tough questions

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hb4-meVFaTM

 

I’m not sure if you have ever been asked that question but when you have a terminal illness, it can be a difficult one to answer.

Recently, I was interviewed by James Macpherson, an incredible pastor, leader and friend.

He asked me that question along with others, including my belief in a good God when faced with the challenges of Motor Neurone Disease (MND).

Are you happy?

This was my answer:  Many of us are familiar with the concept of “the pursuit of happiness.” I don’t think that you can pursue happiness or chase happiness down.

I think happiness comes from finding meaning and purpose in life.  If you discover meaning then happiness is a by-product.  If you’re chasing happiness, it can’t be found in the things this world has to offer.

Happiness, however, can be a product of you discovering why you are here and what is the meaning and purpose for your life.

When you discover meaning and purpose then happiness follows.

I have discovered meaning and purpose for my life and therefore the answer to your question is: “Yes” I am a person who has joy even in the midst of suffering, debilitating illness and pain.  There is a deep joy that bring feelings of happiness.

To watch more of the Q&A-style interview and answers to more tough questions, you can check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hb4-moeVFaTM

Have a blessed day,

Phil

 

10

In the meantime

I read every book I could find "in the meantime" waiting for my girls to be born!
I read every book I could find “in the meantime” waiting for my girls to be born!

When I was a child, I would ask my mum “How long until dinner?”  Her reply was “Later; in the meantime, you’ll just have to wait.”

“Wait!” I thought, why not in the meantime, let me have some ice cream or break out the lollies.  The “meantime” felt like cruel treatment for a young, hungry boy.

You see, the “meantime’ is the space between now and the expected or desired outcome.

In the meantime is where most of us live and experience life.

  • Heaven is coming but in the meantime…
  • Healing is on its way but in the meantime…
  • A job is in my future but in the meantime…
  • A life partner is around the corner but in the meantime…
  • Children are ours but in the meantime…
  • Promotion is mine but in the meantime…
  • A new song will be sung but in the meantime…
  • I will own my own home but in the meantime…
  • Due to Motor Neurone Disease, I was given two years to live two years ago but in the meantime…

We all have to learn to do life well “in the meantime” because that’s where much of life is lived.

The “meantime” keeps us present, while still looking forward.

When Jesus was talking about his return to earth, He said in the meantime, don’t just wait but “occupy” or “do business” until He comes.

Sometimes from our perspective the “meantime” is a “mean” (as in a “nasty”) time.  However, I believe you can make the meantime a “meaningful” time.  You can choose to occupy that in-between space and do business with it.

The Apostle Paul was a missionary who was always on the way to somewhere else.  He continually found himself in between where he was and where he wanted to be.

Sometimes his “meantime” was a shipwreck, so he got busy saving people and healing those on the island he was stranded on.  Other times he would be in prison so he got busy talking to his fellow-inmates about freedom in Christ and also encouraging other Christians also in prison.

What do you do in you “meantime”?  What do you do in the place between where you are and where you want to be?

I have Motor Neurone Disease but in the meantime I’m doing what I can to live with meaning, purpose and obedience to God’s will.   I am doing my best to turn opposition into opportunity, by God’s grace.

Can I suggest it’s never God’s will just to sit and wait, like I used to as a boy for my dinner.  Instead, use your “meantime” to discover meaning and meaningfulness.

It may be as simple as reading a book or as intimate as sharing your faith.

When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, I was a nervous young man.  I had no idea what I was going to do when the baby came.  In the meantime of the 9 months pregnancy, I read every book I could get on raising kids (there was no google back then).

Are you looking for a promotion?  In the meantime get to work early and don’t be the first to leave.  Are you looking for a life partner? In the meantime, who are you becoming?

Be encouraged, there is always something you can do to make the most of your “meantime”, on the road to realising all God has for you.

Phil

6

Your most courageous decision

If you want to make it through a difficult situation, you have a choice to make: turn and run, or face it and chase it down.

In the book of 2 Samuel, chapter 23, the Bible tells the story of a man by the name of Benaiah.  On a snowy day, he chased his challenge, a lion, down into a pit and killed it.  Benaiah could have fled the lion but he literally overcame his challenge.

To tell you the truth, I have learnt more by facing the “lions” in my life than from running.

I believe that doing our best to face up to situations that life presents with no escape plan, and no “out” is the boldest and most courageous decision any of us could make today.

Even when you have no idea of how you are going to face the future or what you should do next, if God is with you, He can give you what you lack.  At the time of weakness or doubt, He can give you strength and wisdom.

You just need to decide, “Will I run away, will I lie down or will I face reality, and give it my best shot?”

So if you have ever felt like a lion is chasing you down, don’t ignore it, hide from it, or pretend it’s not there.  Accept it, stand and face it.

Acceptance is the state of mind in which we find meaning from what we are facing.

For me, my lion is MND / ALS.  I decided early on to face it and chase it down.  There is only one option, no white flags, no retreating.

As I’ve said before “I may have MND, but MND won’t have me”.

I will not allow disease to destroy my soul or my spirit.  I have decided that if I will die anyway, which we all will one day, then I may as well live fully to the best of my ability until that day.

What’s your lion today?  Will you run from it or turn, face it, and chase it down?

Your lion could be an issue that you need to confront in your life, something you need to pick a fight with and change.

You see, sometimes the lion picks us and sometimes we pick the lion.  Sometimes bad things happen to us and sometimes we need to choose to fight a battle instead of live with the status quo.

In either scenario, what we do in this moment, how we respond, and our attitude are all up to us and will ultimately make an impression on the next moments, months and years.

Be encouraged today that in our most challenging moments we can discover purpose.  The lion wants to take from you but it can give as well.  It can give you a reason to keep going and prove that life is worth the living.  Anything worth living for is worth fighting for.

You can sit there and imagine a life without difficulty and without resistance but it’s nothing more than a fairy tale.  Or you can face up to your challenge, and determine to live and thrive, lions and all.

Take courage today,
Phil

18

The Theory of Everything

You may have heard the name of scientist, Stephen Hawking.  He is one of the most well-known sufferers of a rare slow-progressing form of the MND / ALS disease.  He is also an avid atheist.

A name you may not be as familiar with is Jane Wilde, his now ex-wife, a strong Christian.

The new movie “The Theory of Everything” tells the story of their battle with ALS and how it impacted their relationship.

I have seen the movie and I have read his ex-wife’s book on which the film is based.

One thing that struck me about this couple is the way they lived polar opposite lives when it came to their faith.  While Stephen did everything he could to discount the existence of God,  Jane held onto her faith in God to make it through.

Not unlike Hawking, there have been times I have seriously questioned my faith in God.  Not in an off-the-cuff kind of way but honestly looking at why I believe what I believe, whether it is still relevant and if it stands the test of life and love

Yet time and time again, I have found that, like Jane, faith in a loving, good God is sustaining to this life I lead.

Jane discovered God, not in a cold calculated way but in the hearts and lives of others who also believed.  Her faith was personal, real and imperfect as it lived out in the lives of imperfect people.

I believe we all have what Jane and Stephen have: a desire to know how we arrived here and the meaning for our existence?

I don’t just mean the collective “our” but I mean “your” existence.

For me, the meaning of one’s life cannot be one that only flourishes in the good times when all is going well.  Meaning must also have its power and sustainability through the most difficult of circumstances in life.

We humans are spirit, soul, and body we have emotions that love and hate, that praise and condemn.  We are capable of the most beautiful and the most brutal.

Therefore, it is only right that our faith, our meaning for life itself must not just be a mental ascent but a spiritual enlightenment.

Jesus talks about faith in Him beginning in the heart.  The heart is that part of us that comprehends deep issues of meaning and existence.  It goes to the very centre of our will, emotions and who we are.

When you ask about the meaning of life and for your life the answer becomes your faith.  Your faith becomes your true north.  True north is what gives you direction, purpose, as well as your balance in life’s most difficult circumstances.

Today I encourage you to take time in your life to deeply explore the meaning for your existence: your theory of everything.

Phil

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