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Fridays with Phil

Life, family and unshakeable faith

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Keep Calm and Carry On

What do you know about the man who carried Jesus’ cross?

History tells us his name was Simon. Presumably, he was a man just like you and me.

“A man named Simon, who was from Cyrene, was coming in from the country just then, and they forced him to carry Jesus’ cross.” (Mark 15:21)

By the time Simon was asked to carry the cross, Jesus had already suffered through scourging with whips made of leather and sharp bone. It’s no surprise that He was weak and physically unable to carry on.

Easter, then, is not only a story about triumph and victory, but also for those who at times find themselves too weak or too helpless to carry their own burdens.

It is for those of us who have been given more than we feel we can endure.

Do you know what that’s like?  The feeling of absolute powerlessness? To feel overwhelmed by what you are required to carry? Jesus does.

His body gave out.  He could not take another step in His own strength.  He literally sweated blood.

When you feel like you can’t take another step, or bear another thing, think on this: Jesus has been there and knows how you feel.

“He understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same temptations we do, yet He did not sin.” (Hebrews 4:15)

Whatever it is that we have to carry at this time: illness, weakness, pain, trials, temptation, Jesus will help you carry it.

Jesus came into this world to identify with the human race, to experience all that we experience.  He understands you. He knows what it is like not to be able to go on, and He will be there to give you strength in your time of need.

He could have saved Himself, just as He could have prevented Himself from being there in the first place.

He was there, not because He was the victim of circumstances beyond His control, but because He chose to lay down His life for the sake of the world. In fact, He was quoted as saying to the disciples:

“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep… No one can take my life from Me. I lay down My life voluntarily.” (John 10:11, 17-18)

Jesus wanted to save you so He didn’t save Himself.

He was willing to die so that you can live and be reconciled to God.  That was a price He was willing to pay.

It has been said before: “it wasn’t the nails that bound Him to that tree; His love for you held Him there.”

Remember God, victorious, this Easter and also remember God who knew suffering.  He was alone in His agony so that you would not be alone in yours.

I am posting this earlier in the week so that I didn’t miss the opportunity to extend an invite to you, your family and friends to get along to a Church for Good Friday & Easter Sunday services.

If you are looking for somewhere to attend, here is a link to service locations and times around the world of the Church I call home: http://www.hillsong.com/easter

Phil

1

The three-minute challenge

I’m writing this at an airport.  I’m watching people say goodbye to loved ones and it makes me wonder what they are saying.

What I hope is that it isn’t the first time they have said it during their time with each other.

Did they wait until the last three-minutes they had together to say the most important and meaningful exchanges: “I love you”, “Thank you”, “I’ll miss you”?

So often that’s the case.  We have friends over for dinner, spend hours communicating, and it’s only at the door, saying goodbye, that we talk about our appreciation for their friendship and hospitality.

I was touched this past week when friends of 30 years shared on our first night together how much our friendship meant to them.  Unfortunately, these sentiments of love and affection are often left until departure or remain entirely unsaid.

Too often the most important exchange of feeling and relationship are left until our final moments together. 

I believe there is a better way.  What would our relationships be like if we started our exchanges with the most important and finished satisfied that we had communicated the important?

Don’t you ever wonder why you didn’t have intimate conversations earlier?  Tragically, many people never have them at all.

My challenge, our challenge, is to reverse the trend and use our last words first. 

I cannot remember my dad and I speaking deeply about our love for each other until we were both adults, and at first it was awkward.  But it became easier and now several years after his death I’m very glad I ventured out of my comfort zone to say what mattered.

Believe me, this has been one of my life’s biggest challenges.  I am naturally a reserved guy keeping my feelings of love and deep feelings of emotion to myself.  But I have had to learn to change.  I realise now that the love of others and for others needs to be communicated more easily and readily.

Life is precious and relationships are priority.

The richest relationships include conversations about the things that really matter.

I once read about a leadership development seminar where the facilitator asked people to give a three-minute talk to everyone imagining that at the end they would die.  I know it sounds morbid but it challenged them to focus on the important.

What would you say in those last three minutes?  And who would you say it to?

Now take that and bring it forward, to today.  Tell someone today you love them, spend three minutes writing them a card, an email, or giving them a call.

While I confess I’m not great at this, my friends have taught me something valuable, that if we get better at it, our lives will be the richer.  If it is something new to you, aim to start small, just say something.  The more you do it, the more comfortable and natural it will become.

Don’t leave it until last, until the goodbyes of life.

Use your last words first.

Phil

4

How to find your true self

Thankful for these mates who helped me have an awesome time at the Formula 1 this week.
Thankful for these mates who helped me have an awesome time at the Formula 1 this week.

It’s an age-old game: kids, and even dogs, running after and trying to catch shiny bubbles made from soapy water. And just when they catch one, it disappears.

I wonder if today you feel like someone chasing bubbles, or chasing things that seem like they are uncatchable.

There’s no doubt that one of the things humanity tries hard to catch is meaning. We all find ourselves at one point or another chasing significance, and the more meaningful point to our existence. Often, we find at those times, the more we chase, the more frustrated we become.

I believe we are meant to be people who use life to create meaning, purpose and significance, rather than endlessly search for it.

To use the example above, we are not created to chase bubbles, we are created to blow bubbles, to inject life and meaning into our very existence.

How do we do this? Find a cause to live for.

Your cause in life will give meaning to your life and will determine who you become in life.

As a young man, I was obsessed for many years trying to become the person who I thought I needed to be. This put a lot of my own focus on me: on what I needed, what I wanted, what I thought was of value to my process of “becoming.”

The more egocentric and self-seeking I was, the less I knew about my own purpose and meaning for being. The more self-help books I read, the more introspective I became.  As funny as it sounds, I was my own cause.

However, I’m learning more and more that life is not about me and who I do or don’t become in this world. Life is about finding someone else I can help become all they can be.

In other words, if we can find a cause where the focus is on others and not self, then we, by default, “self-actualise” (that is, we become the person who we are meant to be).

In the search to help others, we discover ourselves.  The cause creates a road to meaning which leads us to becoming who we are.

Find a cause greater than yourself and own it, make it your own.

Focus your attention on meaning and you will become meaningful, or full of meaning.  Fulfilment is found when we find meaning.

When we are busy with a cause, along the way we discover meaning and who we are. Even more than that, it has the power to create a better me and a better you.  You may even find within yourself many attributes that you were unaware you even had.

The more I look at the successful and significant people in my world, I notice that their focus is not in becoming a successful or significant person as much as it is about creating a better world for someone else. Giving meaning to others gives them meaning as well.

The Bible puts it this way (Philippians 2:3-4):

Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.
Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

You will find your life when you live a life for others, for a cause that you have made your own.

Phil

10

“Are you happy?” & other tough questions

 

I’m not sure if you have ever been asked that question but when you have a terminal illness, it can be a difficult one to answer.

Recently, I was interviewed by James Macpherson, an incredible pastor, leader and friend.

He asked me that question along with others, including my belief in a good God when faced with the challenges of Motor Neurone Disease (MND).

Are you happy?

This was my answer:  Many of us are familiar with the concept of “the pursuit of happiness.” I don’t think that you can pursue happiness or chase happiness down.

I think happiness comes from finding meaning and purpose in life.  If you discover meaning then happiness is a by-product.  If you’re chasing happiness, it can’t be found in the things this world has to offer.

Happiness, however, can be a product of you discovering why you are here and what is the meaning and purpose for your life.

When you discover meaning and purpose then happiness follows.

I have discovered meaning and purpose for my life and therefore the answer to your question is: “Yes” I am a person who has joy even in the midst of suffering, debilitating illness and pain.  There is a deep joy that bring feelings of happiness.

To watch more of the Q&A-style interview and answers to more tough questions, you can check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hb4-moeVFaTM

Have a blessed day,

Phil

 

10

In the meantime

I read every book I could find "in the meantime" waiting for my girls to be born!
I read every book I could find “in the meantime” waiting for my girls to be born!

When I was a child, I would ask my mum “How long until dinner?”  Her reply was “Later; in the meantime, you’ll just have to wait.”

“Wait!” I thought, why not in the meantime, let me have some ice cream or break out the lollies.  The “meantime” felt like cruel treatment for a young, hungry boy.

You see, the “meantime’ is the space between now and the expected or desired outcome.

In the meantime is where most of us live and experience life.

  • Heaven is coming but in the meantime…
  • Healing is on its way but in the meantime…
  • A job is in my future but in the meantime…
  • A life partner is around the corner but in the meantime…
  • Children are ours but in the meantime…
  • Promotion is mine but in the meantime…
  • A new song will be sung but in the meantime…
  • I will own my own home but in the meantime…
  • Due to Motor Neurone Disease, I was given two years to live two years ago but in the meantime…

We all have to learn to do life well “in the meantime” because that’s where much of life is lived.

The “meantime” keeps us present, while still looking forward.

When Jesus was talking about his return to earth, He said in the meantime, don’t just wait but “occupy” or “do business” until He comes.

Sometimes from our perspective the “meantime” is a “mean” (as in a “nasty”) time.  However, I believe you can make the meantime a “meaningful” time.  You can choose to occupy that in-between space and do business with it.

The Apostle Paul was a missionary who was always on the way to somewhere else.  He continually found himself in between where he was and where he wanted to be.

Sometimes his “meantime” was a shipwreck, so he got busy saving people and healing those on the island he was stranded on.  Other times he would be in prison so he got busy talking to his fellow-inmates about freedom in Christ and also encouraging other Christians also in prison.

What do you do in you “meantime”?  What do you do in the place between where you are and where you want to be?

I have Motor Neurone Disease but in the meantime I’m doing what I can to live with meaning, purpose and obedience to God’s will.   I am doing my best to turn opposition into opportunity, by God’s grace.

Can I suggest it’s never God’s will just to sit and wait, like I used to as a boy for my dinner.  Instead, use your “meantime” to discover meaning and meaningfulness.

It may be as simple as reading a book or as intimate as sharing your faith.

When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, I was a nervous young man.  I had no idea what I was going to do when the baby came.  In the meantime of the 9 months pregnancy, I read every book I could get on raising kids (there was no google back then).

Are you looking for a promotion?  In the meantime get to work early and don’t be the first to leave.  Are you looking for a life partner? In the meantime, who are you becoming?

Be encouraged, there is always something you can do to make the most of your “meantime”, on the road to realising all God has for you.

Phil

6

Your most courageous decision

If you want to make it through a difficult situation, you have a choice to make: turn and run, or face it and chase it down.

In the book of 2 Samuel, chapter 23, the Bible tells the story of a man by the name of Benaiah.  On a snowy day, he chased his challenge, a lion, down into a pit and killed it.  Benaiah could have fled the lion but he literally overcame his challenge.

To tell you the truth, I have learnt more by facing the “lions” in my life than from running.

I believe that doing our best to face up to situations that life presents with no escape plan, and no “out” is the boldest and most courageous decision any of us could make today.

Even when you have no idea of how you are going to face the future or what you should do next, if God is with you, He can give you what you lack.  At the time of weakness or doubt, He can give you strength and wisdom.

You just need to decide, “Will I run away, will I lie down or will I face reality, and give it my best shot?”

So if you have ever felt like a lion is chasing you down, don’t ignore it, hide from it, or pretend it’s not there.  Accept it, stand and face it.

Acceptance is the state of mind in which we find meaning from what we are facing.

For me, my lion is MND / ALS.  I decided early on to face it and chase it down.  There is only one option, no white flags, no retreating.

As I’ve said before “I may have MND, but MND won’t have me”.

I will not allow disease to destroy my soul or my spirit.  I have decided that if I will die anyway, which we all will one day, then I may as well live fully to the best of my ability until that day.

What’s your lion today?  Will you run from it or turn, face it, and chase it down?

Your lion could be an issue that you need to confront in your life, something you need to pick a fight with and change.

You see, sometimes the lion picks us and sometimes we pick the lion.  Sometimes bad things happen to us and sometimes we need to choose to fight a battle instead of live with the status quo.

In either scenario, what we do in this moment, how we respond, and our attitude are all up to us and will ultimately make an impression on the next moments, months and years.

Be encouraged today that in our most challenging moments we can discover purpose.  The lion wants to take from you but it can give as well.  It can give you a reason to keep going and prove that life is worth the living.  Anything worth living for is worth fighting for.

You can sit there and imagine a life without difficulty and without resistance but it’s nothing more than a fairy tale.  Or you can face up to your challenge, and determine to live and thrive, lions and all.

Take courage today,
Phil

18

The day my wife said she hated me

I remember the exact place and moment she said it.  It was early in our marriage, she had arrived home late after the train she was travelling home on broke down.  She was at her wits end in our marriage and in the heat of the moment, the words I extracted from my wife’s mouth were “I hate you.”

It’s strange how she has told me she loves me a thousand times since then and yet I can still remember the one and only time she told me she hated me.

Human nature is like that, we tend to hang onto the negative and let go too quickly of the positive.  Imagine if we celebrated the victories for as long as we sat in the defeats.

I thought that my marrying Lenore as a 19 year old boy was just too good to be true and sooner or later she was going to up and leave.

I treated her like she would, and my actions towards her were in response to that belief.

Ultimately, I got her to say what I believed she thought.  It was not what she thought or believed but I could not accept that she loved me and so I pushed her away.  There was no way, I believed, that this could be real and forever.

I’m sure there are reasons in my childhood that fuelled this emotion. I was afraid that one day I would come home and she would not be there.  It was what my mum did to my dad when I was 13 years old.  He came home from work and we had deserted him and our home (I now know mum had very good reasons but I was just a kid).

Even when it came to our finances, I was riddled with insecurity.  Lenore earnt more than me and I thought I wasn’t experienced enough or bright enough to handle our finances, so left all of that responsibility to Lenore.

I feared failure, not just in and of itself but also because of what it would look like.

I was incapable of believing my wife’s love for me because of my own fear and insecurity.

With those emotions manifesting on a daily basis, our marriage could not win.

Lenore was sowing good seed into the poisoned soil of my heart.

That’s why today my challenge to you is to not look at other’s responses or behaviours as much as you look at your own heart and behaviour.

If you can be honest about your own condition then maybe the good seed of others will find soil to thrive in.

I can tell you today, whatever state your relationships are in, you can overcome fear, insecurity and failure.  How can you do that?

  1. Realise that no one person on earth is identical and we all respond differently. You do not need to be a product of your past.
  2. Face your insecurities so that change can take place.  I had to share my fears with Lenore so we could work through them.
  3. Understand that everyone who lives and breathes will sometimes fail. Failure is just another way of moving forward in life.
  4. Marriage is the joining of two imperfect people and it can get better if you are willing to work at it. Sometimes that includes seeking help from a counsellor.
  5. Love yourself so others can love you.
  6. Find unconditional love in God’s love for you.

Three painful years of marriage out of 36 years was well-worth it.  Trust me, the plates will stop flying if you are both willing to change.  I am so thankful we did that together.

No matter your start, you can have a better tomorrow.

Phil

13

From theatre to theology

I was asked this week what I thought of Stephen Fry.  My first response was “who is Stephen Fry?”  After some research, I found he is an actor and an atheist who recently aired his views on what he would say to God if he were given opportunity, and it went viral.

For someone who does not believe God exists, he gave an impassioned and articulate response about this God he does not believe in.

He said God was “capricious, mean-minded, stupid” and “monstrous”.   He went on to say he would tell God, “How dare you. How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that’s not our fault? It’s not right. It’s utterly, utterly evil.”  “The God who created this universe, if he created this universe, is quite clearly a maniac, an utter maniac, totally selfish.”

I believe Stephen fails to recognise, not only that God exists, but who He is and misrepresents God’s very nature.

Funnily enough, even those who don’t believe in God, when faced with tragedy or evil situations, like a downtown café being held up by gunman, can be found turning to God in prayer.  TV commentators encourage it and vow to us that their prayers are with the sufferers.

When bad things happen, I’m so glad that I believe in a God who is not unmoved, unconcerned or blind to humanity and who does in fact respond to prayer, even our most desperate, ineloquent pleas.

I think that many turn to prayer because of a deep knowing that there must be someone higher than all of this: all of this sickness, all of this suffering, all of this tragedy.

At the same time, many people also choose to decide who that is and how they will respond to that perception.   It’s a kind of “make-your-own God” if you will.

Deciding who God is to you will be the defining moment in your spiritual life.

Stephen speaks as if this God he does not believe in is evil, unjust, mean and a maniac.  That measures his response to the world and God.

I believe that God is good, just, loving, merciful and patient, even in the challenge of a terminal illness (and even more so).

I know a God who in trial and pain is personal, caring, concerned and very much involved.  In turn, that measures my response to the world and to God.

I also believe that God has created all of us with the ability to know Him.  He wants us to know who He really is.  He showed himself to us through the example of Jesus and through the pages of the Bible.

Stephen may attribute at least partial blame for the evil in our world to a hateful God, whereas the Bible teaches that evil, rebellious angels, and men are the cause of evil.

Let me explain.  God created the earth and everything in it, including us.  It was created good and all animals lived together with no threat of life or fear from each other.  He gave man free-will.  Free-will means we have the choice to choose good or bad and it allowed angels and man to choose evil over good.  As someone once said, to blame God for the mess we now find ourselves in is like blaming the landlord when the tenants have trashed the house.

God’s will was and still is to redeem the world and all of creation back to His original intent.  He sent Jesus to reveal His redemption plan, healing and restoring the world.  Aren’t you glad God didn’t walk out on us?  Where the evil of man sought to separate us entirely from God, the love of God made a way in spite of it.

The very thing that Stephen would blame God for, God is actually working at ridding the world from and returning back to peace.  And I know many people have also committed themselves to this endeavour, to be the light in dark places, to offer kindness, compassion and humanitarian help.

I believe, there will be a time when children no longer die from bone cancer and hatred is no more.  This will be God’s doing not man’s.  Just because God hasn’t made His final move yet doesn’t mean He won’t or He hasn’t already begun.

Power always has the option to destroy or manipulate, but the power of God’s great love offers instead forgiveness, free-will and to extend humanity beyond this reality into another.

God secured for us a place free from all pain and suffering, and a way for us to be reunited with Him in heaven.  This is a place that Stephen may argue God should create if He was a good God.  Well, God already has and if we choose, our time spent there will be eternal.

When I take opportunity to speak to God, something I do daily unlike Stephen Fry’s imaginary scenario, I don’t offer blame or spite, instead, I can’t help but offer thanks, praise and adoration to the God who I have come to know.

Phil

P.s. Would love to hear your thoughts on your personal spiritual defining moments.

6

The Theory of Everything

You may have heard the name of scientist, Stephen Hawking.  He is one of the most well-known sufferers of a rare slow-progressing form of the MND / ALS disease.  He is also an avid atheist.

A name you may not be as familiar with is Jane Wilde, his now ex-wife, a strong Christian.

The new movie “The Theory of Everything” tells the story of their battle with ALS and how it impacted their relationship.

I have seen the movie and I have read his ex-wife’s book on which the film is based.

One thing that struck me about this couple is the way they lived polar opposite lives when it came to their faith.  While Stephen did everything he could to discount the existence of God,  Jane held onto her faith in God to make it through.

Not unlike Hawking, there have been times I have seriously questioned my faith in God.  Not in an off-the-cuff kind of way but honestly looking at why I believe what I believe, whether it is still relevant and if it stands the test of life and love

Yet time and time again, I have found that, like Jane, faith in a loving, good God is sustaining to this life I lead.

Jane discovered God, not in a cold calculated way but in the hearts and lives of others who also believed.  Her faith was personal, real and imperfect as it lived out in the lives of imperfect people.

I believe we all have what Jane and Stephen have: a desire to know how we arrived here and the meaning for our existence?

I don’t just mean the collective “our” but I mean “your” existence.

For me, the meaning of one’s life cannot be one that only flourishes in the good times when all is going well.  Meaning must also have its power and sustainability through the most difficult of circumstances in life.

We humans are spirit, soul, and body we have emotions that love and hate, that praise and condemn.  We are capable of the most beautiful and the most brutal.

Therefore, it is only right that our faith, our meaning for life itself must not just be a mental ascent but a spiritual enlightenment.

Jesus talks about faith in Him beginning in the heart.  The heart is that part of us that comprehends deep issues of meaning and existence.  It goes to the very centre of our will, emotions and who we are.

When you ask about the meaning of life and for your life the answer becomes your faith.  Your faith becomes your true north.  True north is what gives you direction, purpose, as well as your balance in life’s most difficult circumstances.

Today I encourage you to take time in your life to deeply explore the meaning for your existence: your theory of everything.

Phil

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