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In the meantime

I read every book I could find "in the meantime" waiting for my girls to be born!
I read every book I could find “in the meantime” waiting for my girls to be born!

When I was a child, I would ask my mum “How long until dinner?”  Her reply was “Later; in the meantime, you’ll just have to wait.”

“Wait!” I thought, why not in the meantime, let me have some ice cream or break out the lollies.  The “meantime” felt like cruel treatment for a young, hungry boy.

You see, the “meantime’ is the space between now and the expected or desired outcome.

In the meantime is where most of us live and experience life.

  • Heaven is coming but in the meantime…
  • Healing is on its way but in the meantime…
  • A job is in my future but in the meantime…
  • A life partner is around the corner but in the meantime…
  • Children are ours but in the meantime…
  • Promotion is mine but in the meantime…
  • A new song will be sung but in the meantime…
  • I will own my own home but in the meantime…
  • Due to Motor Neurone Disease, I was given two years to live two years ago but in the meantime…

We all have to learn to do life well “in the meantime” because that’s where much of life is lived.

The “meantime” keeps us present, while still looking forward.

When Jesus was talking about his return to earth, He said in the meantime, don’t just wait but “occupy” or “do business” until He comes.

Sometimes from our perspective the “meantime” is a “mean” (as in a “nasty”) time.  However, I believe you can make the meantime a “meaningful” time.  You can choose to occupy that in-between space and do business with it.

The Apostle Paul was a missionary who was always on the way to somewhere else.  He continually found himself in between where he was and where he wanted to be.

Sometimes his “meantime” was a shipwreck, so he got busy saving people and healing those on the island he was stranded on.  Other times he would be in prison so he got busy talking to his fellow-inmates about freedom in Christ and also encouraging other Christians also in prison.

What do you do in you “meantime”?  What do you do in the place between where you are and where you want to be?

I have Motor Neurone Disease but in the meantime I’m doing what I can to live with meaning, purpose and obedience to God’s will.   I am doing my best to turn opposition into opportunity, by God’s grace.

Can I suggest it’s never God’s will just to sit and wait, like I used to as a boy for my dinner.  Instead, use your “meantime” to discover meaning and meaningfulness.

It may be as simple as reading a book or as intimate as sharing your faith.

When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, I was a nervous young man.  I had no idea what I was going to do when the baby came.  In the meantime of the 9 months pregnancy, I read every book I could get on raising kids (there was no google back then).

Are you looking for a promotion?  In the meantime get to work early and don’t be the first to leave.  Are you looking for a life partner? In the meantime, who are you becoming?

Be encouraged, there is always something you can do to make the most of your “meantime”, on the road to realising all God has for you.

Phil

6

Your most courageous decision

If you want to make it through a difficult situation, you have a choice to make: turn and run, or face it and chase it down.

In the book of 2 Samuel, chapter 23, the Bible tells the story of a man by the name of Benaiah.  On a snowy day, he chased his challenge, a lion, down into a pit and killed it.  Benaiah could have fled the lion but he literally overcame his challenge.

To tell you the truth, I have learnt more by facing the “lions” in my life than from running.

I believe that doing our best to face up to situations that life presents with no escape plan, and no “out” is the boldest and most courageous decision any of us could make today.

Even when you have no idea of how you are going to face the future or what you should do next, if God is with you, He can give you what you lack.  At the time of weakness or doubt, He can give you strength and wisdom.

You just need to decide, “Will I run away, will I lie down or will I face reality, and give it my best shot?”

So if you have ever felt like a lion is chasing you down, don’t ignore it, hide from it, or pretend it’s not there.  Accept it, stand and face it.

Acceptance is the state of mind in which we find meaning from what we are facing.

For me, my lion is MND / ALS.  I decided early on to face it and chase it down.  There is only one option, no white flags, no retreating.

As I’ve said before “I may have MND, but MND won’t have me”.

I will not allow disease to destroy my soul or my spirit.  I have decided that if I will die anyway, which we all will one day, then I may as well live fully to the best of my ability until that day.

What’s your lion today?  Will you run from it or turn, face it, and chase it down?

Your lion could be an issue that you need to confront in your life, something you need to pick a fight with and change.

You see, sometimes the lion picks us and sometimes we pick the lion.  Sometimes bad things happen to us and sometimes we need to choose to fight a battle instead of live with the status quo.

In either scenario, what we do in this moment, how we respond, and our attitude are all up to us and will ultimately make an impression on the next moments, months and years.

Be encouraged today that in our most challenging moments we can discover purpose.  The lion wants to take from you but it can give as well.  It can give you a reason to keep going and prove that life is worth the living.  Anything worth living for is worth fighting for.

You can sit there and imagine a life without difficulty and without resistance but it’s nothing more than a fairy tale.  Or you can face up to your challenge, and determine to live and thrive, lions and all.

Take courage today,
Phil

18

The day my wife said she hated me

I remember the exact place and moment she said it.  It was early in our marriage, she had arrived home late after the train she was travelling home on broke down.  She was at her wits end in our marriage and in the heat of the moment, the words I extracted from my wife’s mouth were “I hate you.”

It’s strange how she has told me she loves me a thousand times since then and yet I can still remember the one and only time she told me she hated me.

Human nature is like that, we tend to hang onto the negative and let go too quickly of the positive.  Imagine if we celebrated the victories for as long as we sat in the defeats.

I thought that my marrying Lenore as a 19 year old boy was just too good to be true and sooner or later she was going to up and leave.

I treated her like she would, and my actions towards her were in response to that belief.

Ultimately, I got her to say what I believed she thought.  It was not what she thought or believed but I could not accept that she loved me and so I pushed her away.  There was no way, I believed, that this could be real and forever.

I’m sure there are reasons in my childhood that fuelled this emotion. I was afraid that one day I would come home and she would not be there.  It was what my mum did to my dad when I was 13 years old.  He came home from work and we had deserted him and our home (I now know mum had very good reasons but I was just a kid).

Even when it came to our finances, I was riddled with insecurity.  Lenore earnt more than me and I thought I wasn’t experienced enough or bright enough to handle our finances, so left all of that responsibility to Lenore.

I feared failure, not just in and of itself but also because of what it would look like.

I was incapable of believing my wife’s love for me because of my own fear and insecurity.

With those emotions manifesting on a daily basis, our marriage could not win.

Lenore was sowing good seed into the poisoned soil of my heart.

That’s why today my challenge to you is to not look at other’s responses or behaviours as much as you look at your own heart and behaviour.

If you can be honest about your own condition then maybe the good seed of others will find soil to thrive in.

I can tell you today, whatever state your relationships are in, you can overcome fear, insecurity and failure.  How can you do that?

  1. Realise that no one person on earth is identical and we all respond differently. You do not need to be a product of your past.
  2. Face your insecurities so that change can take place.  I had to share my fears with Lenore so we could work through them.
  3. Understand that everyone who lives and breathes will sometimes fail. Failure is just another way of moving forward in life.
  4. Marriage is the joining of two imperfect people and it can get better if you are willing to work at it. Sometimes that includes seeking help from a counsellor.
  5. Love yourself so others can love you.
  6. Find unconditional love in God’s love for you.

Three painful years of marriage out of 36 years was well-worth it.  Trust me, the plates will stop flying if you are both willing to change.  I am so thankful we did that together.

No matter your start, you can have a better tomorrow.

Phil

13

From theatre to theology

I was asked this week what I thought of Stephen Fry.  My first response was “who is Stephen Fry?”  After some research, I found he is an actor and an atheist who recently aired his views on what he would say to God if he were given opportunity, and it went viral.

For someone who does not believe God exists, he gave an impassioned and articulate response about this God he does not believe in.

He said God was “capricious, mean-minded, stupid” and “monstrous”.   He went on to say he would tell God, “How dare you. How dare you create a world in which there is such misery that’s not our fault? It’s not right. It’s utterly, utterly evil.”  “The God who created this universe, if he created this universe, is quite clearly a maniac, an utter maniac, totally selfish.”

I believe Stephen fails to recognise, not only that God exists, but who He is and misrepresents God’s very nature.

Funnily enough, even those who don’t believe in God, when faced with tragedy or evil situations, like a downtown café being held up by gunman, can be found turning to God in prayer.  TV commentators encourage it and vow to us that their prayers are with the sufferers.

When bad things happen, I’m so glad that I believe in a God who is not unmoved, unconcerned or blind to humanity and who does in fact respond to prayer, even our most desperate, ineloquent pleas.

I think that many turn to prayer because of a deep knowing that there must be someone higher than all of this: all of this sickness, all of this suffering, all of this tragedy.

At the same time, many people also choose to decide who that is and how they will respond to that perception.   It’s a kind of “make-your-own God” if you will.

Deciding who God is to you will be the defining moment in your spiritual life.

Stephen speaks as if this God he does not believe in is evil, unjust, mean and a maniac.  That measures his response to the world and God.

I believe that God is good, just, loving, merciful and patient, even in the challenge of a terminal illness (and even more so).

I know a God who in trial and pain is personal, caring, concerned and very much involved.  In turn, that measures my response to the world and to God.

I also believe that God has created all of us with the ability to know Him.  He wants us to know who He really is.  He showed himself to us through the example of Jesus and through the pages of the Bible.

Stephen may attribute at least partial blame for the evil in our world to a hateful God, whereas the Bible teaches that evil, rebellious angels, and men are the cause of evil.

Let me explain.  God created the earth and everything in it, including us.  It was created good and all animals lived together with no threat of life or fear from each other.  He gave man free-will.  Free-will means we have the choice to choose good or bad and it allowed angels and man to choose evil over good.  As someone once said, to blame God for the mess we now find ourselves in is like blaming the landlord when the tenants have trashed the house.

God’s will was and still is to redeem the world and all of creation back to His original intent.  He sent Jesus to reveal His redemption plan, healing and restoring the world.  Aren’t you glad God didn’t walk out on us?  Where the evil of man sought to separate us entirely from God, the love of God made a way in spite of it.

The very thing that Stephen would blame God for, God is actually working at ridding the world from and returning back to peace.  And I know many people have also committed themselves to this endeavour, to be the light in dark places, to offer kindness, compassion and humanitarian help.

I believe, there will be a time when children no longer die from bone cancer and hatred is no more.  This will be God’s doing not man’s.  Just because God hasn’t made His final move yet doesn’t mean He won’t or He hasn’t already begun.

Power always has the option to destroy or manipulate, but the power of God’s great love offers instead forgiveness, free-will and to extend humanity beyond this reality into another.

God secured for us a place free from all pain and suffering, and a way for us to be reunited with Him in heaven.  This is a place that Stephen may argue God should create if He was a good God.  Well, God already has and if we choose, our time spent there will be eternal.

When I take opportunity to speak to God, something I do daily unlike Stephen Fry’s imaginary scenario, I don’t offer blame or spite, instead, I can’t help but offer thanks, praise and adoration to the God who I have come to know.

Phil

P.s. Would love to hear your thoughts on your personal spiritual defining moments.

6

The Theory of Everything

You may have heard the name of scientist, Stephen Hawking.  He is one of the most well-known sufferers of a rare slow-progressing form of the MND / ALS disease.  He is also an avid atheist.

A name you may not be as familiar with is Jane Wilde, his now ex-wife, a strong Christian.

The new movie “The Theory of Everything” tells the story of their battle with ALS and how it impacted their relationship.

I have seen the movie and I have read his ex-wife’s book on which the film is based.

One thing that struck me about this couple is the way they lived polar opposite lives when it came to their faith.  While Stephen did everything he could to discount the existence of God,  Jane held onto her faith in God to make it through.

Not unlike Hawking, there have been times I have seriously questioned my faith in God.  Not in an off-the-cuff kind of way but honestly looking at why I believe what I believe, whether it is still relevant and if it stands the test of life and love

Yet time and time again, I have found that, like Jane, faith in a loving, good God is sustaining to this life I lead.

Jane discovered God, not in a cold calculated way but in the hearts and lives of others who also believed.  Her faith was personal, real and imperfect as it lived out in the lives of imperfect people.

I believe we all have what Jane and Stephen have: a desire to know how we arrived here and the meaning for our existence?

I don’t just mean the collective “our” but I mean “your” existence.

For me, the meaning of one’s life cannot be one that only flourishes in the good times when all is going well.  Meaning must also have its power and sustainability through the most difficult of circumstances in life.

We humans are spirit, soul, and body we have emotions that love and hate, that praise and condemn.  We are capable of the most beautiful and the most brutal.

Therefore, it is only right that our faith, our meaning for life itself must not just be a mental ascent but a spiritual enlightenment.

Jesus talks about faith in Him beginning in the heart.  The heart is that part of us that comprehends deep issues of meaning and existence.  It goes to the very centre of our will, emotions and who we are.

When you ask about the meaning of life and for your life the answer becomes your faith.  Your faith becomes your true north.  True north is what gives you direction, purpose, as well as your balance in life’s most difficult circumstances.

Today I encourage you to take time in your life to deeply explore the meaning for your existence: your theory of everything.

Phil

0

Where’s my healing?


Sometimes I sound more together than I really am.  There are days it takes all my grit to keep living with hope and not default to focussing on my own pain, whinging all the while, or trying to escape it even just for a moment.

I don’t want to die and I don’t want to miss out on a thing.

That said, I am well aware that my pain could be another’s gain. I wonder in your life if your pain could become someone else’s gain.

We can choose to try and run from our pain or we can choose to embrace it and take the view that even in our suffering, maybe others can benefit.

This week at the Australian Open tennis, a commercial was aired [via http://www.curemnd.org.au].  It starred tennis players bringing awareness to the MND/ALS disease and the need to find a cure.  I love that!

Some say that MND is incurable but it’s not, we just haven’t found the cure yet.

I know it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking of ourselves when we go through difficult times, but if we can move beyond that, the potential to help others is enormous. 

For me, that looks like doing whatever I can do to not only seek my own healing, and not only dwell on my prognosis, but also, to wholeheartedly support the quest to find a cure.

It’s not unique but it can be hard.  I see people all over the world deliberately putting the needs and safety of others before themselves even when I’m sure they have their own issues to deal with.

Most people with MND today realise that the cure may not come in their lifetime but what they do today could indeed save the lives of thousands tomorrow.

Like many diseases that were once incurable, a cure starts with awareness, that brings funding, that provides research.  And dare I say it:  our attention depends on the number of people the disease kills and who those people are.

So yes, while there are days I wonder “where is my healing?” I am more likely thinking about how good a cure would be.

I don’t think the discovery of a cure is any less a miracle and gift from God than what can and does take place in an individual’s life.

When I see doctors in third world countries operating on the blind through removing cataracts, it’s a cure but it is also a miracle for the person who can see again.

When I witness children who are infected with H.I.V. surviving through medicine, it is miraculous.

I get excited when through medicine, counselling, surgery, and science, things that were once impossible become possible.  It blesses me to see mankind trusting God to show them His mind on things and where disease once stole life, now millions can experience wholeness.

Just this week I read that according to The Lancet, in Australia 86 per cent of people with breast cancer are still alive five years after diagnosis.  This is thanks to more funding allowing for more research and early detection.

In our waiting and in our suffering, let’s always remember that there is someone else we could help, there is a cause we could further, a hand we could lend.

Waiting with you,
Phil

 

7

The stupid things I’ve said

When I was diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease (MND), I noticed that people didn’t know what to say and even close friends struggled to communicate with me.

I know how they feel, as I have been there myself, wanting to offer words of comfort to others but not knowing what to say.

So here are a few things my experience has taught me that may help you communicate with those who are struggling. It may be a terminal illness like me, or it may be a dream not yet realised, a broken relationship, or a dead-end.

A classic comfort we offer others is to compare their situation to those who are seemingly worse-off. For example, some have said to me, “well you could have been hit by a car and already be dead”. I get the premise, but in reality, this has offered no comfort.

I have heard of others who have lost a child or spouse and were told they should at least be thankful for the short time they had together. This is something only they have the right to say. When you feel like your world has just ended, there are better things that could be said.

Comparing to a “worse” event brings little comfort.

Another classic: “there must be a reason for this because everything happens for a reason”.

The problem with this is often it is impossible to figure out a reason why someone is experiencing a tragedy that has derailed their hopes and dreams and impacted their family and finances.

Whatever you do, don’t suggest that the reason is that it could be God testing them. This is hard for me to fathom. The God I love and know would not and does not reward those He loves with life’s harshest conditions, like poverty or a terminal illness.

Yes, maybe in the midst of the challenge we can give what is happening to us some meaning but that’s a very personal thing that no one else can assume on the sufferer.

My hope is that anyone who is suffering would ultimately be able to give what they are going through a sense of cause and purpose, as I have experienced, even while going through the valley.

In the same vein, to those searching for something to ground tragedy in, I have heard it said or inferred, “maybe its because of something you have done.”

This old chestnut suggests that bad things happen to those who have done something to deserve it.

I’m sure we can all recall areas of our life that are far from perfect so when tragedy does come, it’s not hard to blame yourself or think that maybe somehow you deserve it.  I’ve been there, and I recommend getting out quick because it’s a dead-end.

Christ came to bring grace, He stood in the gap, and where we deserved death for our sin, He offers life.

Sure, there are consequences for all our actions: we’ve all heard it said, the smoker increases their risk of getting cancer, and the overeater increases their chances of getting heart disease.  However, we should never think that an undeserved or tragic circumstance in life is some sort of divine punishment.

The good news of the Gospel is that God is a God of grace not of karma.

They are a few things I won’t be saying, now, these are some great things I have experienced:

  • “I’m washing my car this weekend and I’m coming to wash yours as well!” – Be specific when offering to help.
  • ‘Boy you look so tired today, are you ok?” – Be real, don’t lie.
  • ”I’m coming over to mow your lawn, no need to come out, just wanted you not to worry when you hear the mower?” – Show kindness, expect nothing in return.
  • “Hey, I know this is serious and you could die but I’m in this battle with you.” – Acknowledge how bad it is but give your support.
  • “I’m so sorry” – Acknowledging loss can be as simple as that.
  • “I love you”, “Thank you”, “I appreciate you”, “I am praying for you” – Waste no time saying the things that matter.

So when we don’t know what to say, let’s err on the side of just being there, and putting ourselves in the shoes of the sufferer before we speak. This is love.

Phil

23

A simple thank you

I have discovered something about thankfulness, and it’s this:  the more thankful I am, the more thoughtful I am.

For many of us, our default isn’t to think about how our life affects others, how our words lift or wound, how our actions impact our “neighbour”.

But we’re meant to, it’s how we are created to thrive.  We are at our best when we love others as we love ourselves.

So how does thankfulness make me more thoughtful?

In my life, I have noticed that each time I thank God for being able to walk, I am drawn to pray for those who for the first time will be placed in a wheelchair and never be able to walk unassisted again.

When I thank God for my meal, it triggers thoughts of those that have no food, or those who require a feeding tube and don’t get to taste different flavours.

Thankfulness is a tremendous trigger for praying for others.  It’s a springboard that launches me beyond my selfishness and towards empathy – to care, offer a kind word, or do a good deed.

The Apostle Paul gets it, he writes in Philippians 1:3-4, “Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart.”

Amazing.  Perhaps at the root of selfishness is an ungrateful heart.  Perhaps a disregard for what we have breeds contempt and dissatisfaction with this very day God has graced us with.

When we are not thankful, we are not fully aware of what we have and we become unaware of the needs of others.

Thankfulness and gratitude develop thoughtfulness and compassion for others as we appreciate what we have.

I visited a man this week who had a teaching/research position at Macquarie University for 6 years, 20 years at the University of New South Wales, and 4 years at the University of Newcastle.  A Senior Lecturer on Earth Science, he travelled the world climbing and studying volcanoes.  He was married in 2013 with no diagnosis of MND.   Today he cannot move his legs or arms, confined to a wheelchair and is only barely able to talk, quickly losing this gift as well.

As I thank God for the slow progression of the disease within my own body, I cannot help but be thoughtful about those who are suffering much worse.

When you thank God for what you have in life, it triggers a prayer for those who don’t have and that in turn causes compassion to rise up, insisting we do something about other’s needs.

Why don’t you try thanking God for what you have and see where it leads in praying for others?

When thanking God for your marriage, it may lead to you pray for your spouse.

When thanking God for your children, it may lead you to pray for their future.

When thanking God for freedom, it may inspire prayer for those who are in prison simply because of their faith.

When we are unaware of what we have, we are also unaware of what others don’t have.

I’m not thankful for MND in my body but I try to be thankful in the midst of my MND.  Sure there are moments when I grieve what I can no longer do, but I try to keep them to moments and short ones at that, whilst focusing on what I do have and can do.

What are you thankful for today and where will it lead you…to thoughtfulness?

Phil

P.s. This year’s “Walk-to-defeat-MND” will be held on February 15th.  I would usually start my own page to raise money for this initiative, however this year I am asking those who would like to, to donate as part of “Phil’s Team” to these guys: https://give.everydayhero.com/au/paddle4mnd

8 of Lake Macquarie’s professional beach lifeguards are setting out to challenge themselves on a 130km board paddle from their own Blacksmiths Beach to Sydney’s Bondi Beach. 100% of the money they raise will be going straight to the MND research and awareness. 

The 8 Lifeguards that will be paddling are Lucas Samways, Danny Napper, Rory Chapman, Luca Chapman, Rory Tanner, Sam Earp, Jake Ingle, and Troy Ham… legends!!

6

Know it all?

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Knowledge is a wonderful thing but the right response to knowledge is a better thing: wisdom.

I would say that most of my mistakes have happened, not through lack of knowledge, but how I used the information I had.

For example, when I was managing Kmart in Blacktown many years ago, I was chasing a man who stole goods from the store.  I knew he had run up the stairs of the car park and so I followed him.  When I approached him, he grabbed me and tried to throw me over the edge of the three storey car park. Fortunately others saw and pulled him off.  I knew where he had gone but I was foolish in my response to this knowledge.

Our response to knowledge is the difference between wisdom and foolishness.

What knowledge or truth do you have today that requires you to act and respond well?

You may know that someone loves you deeply but your response to that love is to take advantage of it, to continually test it and manipulate it for your own end.  That is foolishness.

Without right response, knowledge is a dead-end.

Even the Apostle Paul in talking about how God is kind and merciful (i.e. knowledge) says, just because He is, doesn’t mean we should act as fools and test him (i.e. response). Romans 6:1-2 says, “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not!…”

I have many friends with MND (also known as ALS) who all have the same knowledge about this disease available to them but their responses have varied.

For example one of the symptoms of MND is losing the ability to swallow and therefore being eventually unable to eat food.  The answer to this from a medical platform is to have a PEG attached to your stomach so that you can get food directly to your stomach via a tube.  The problem is you need to get this attached months or even years before you need it or your body is too weak to have it attached.

I have seen people say “no” to the tube for many months then change their mind and say “yes” only to be told its too late.  They responded, but the timing wasn’t right.

It challenges me on how important the right response to knowledge really is, it could even be the difference between life and death.

In your life, it could mean saying “no” to something you have said “yes” to, or it could be saying “yes” but at a different time.

Procrastination is usually loud.  Doing nothing is often talkative.

Whereas, wisdom is active, it is sure and it is often quiet.

I like this quote: “We can be knowledgeable with other men’s knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men’s wisdom”  ~Michel de Montaigne.

I believe wisdom is ours for the taking if we master our response to knowledge.

Phil

6

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